An awareness of death may help one deal with grief
In the later years of life one of the most traumatic and stressful events to occur is that of losing one's mate.
How to deal with the pain and to recover are questions for which widows and widowers often seek professional help.
• Friends who support the griever are often quick to point out that time is the greatest healer. This is true, but time alone will not help the individual reach a recovery point. It is what the person chooses to do with that time that will make a difference.
• Grief is the most profound emotion most people ever experience. Whether it comes as a shock or after a period of watching and waiting the feeling is often described as intense and unbearable.
• No two individuals deal with grief in the same way. For some it is constant for several years, for others it is temporary and the road to recovery is one that is found more quickly.
• Much of the recovery rests on our perspective about death. Since it is a natural sequence in life--we are born to die--we can prepare our minds and attitudes for this inevitable event. And when it does occur, we must acknowledge the right to grieve.
• Elisabeth Kubler-Ross described the five stages of dying as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. They are also the five stages of living.
• Others who have studied the stages of grief have reduced them to three: initial shock, a period of suffering, and recovery.
• Those who find a way to help others often reach the time of recovery more quickly. Some have founded organizations or support groups to help others deal with pain and sorrow. Some have given benevolently of their time and money in memory of a loved one.
• There are many excellent books available to assist the individual with grieving.
• Friends who support the griever are often quick to point out that time is the greatest healer. This is true, but time alone may not help the individual reach a recovery point. It is often what the person chooses to do with the time that will make a difference.
There are many ways that friends and relatives can help.
• The important thing is to be there. What you say or don't say is secondary. It is usually better, however, not to say, "I know how you are feeling." Simply say, "Tell me how you are feeling."
• One friend told me that a neighbor appeared several times a week with a casserole, a salad, or a plant to be cared for.
• Written expressions and telephone calls that arrived in the weeks ahead were a welcome relief from the emptiness and solitude.
Although no one can map out an exact plan for this trauma or even predict how they will move through the stages of grief, developing an awareness of the grief and loss process can be of great help.
