Dealing with distress helps you move forward

Do you know anyone who fits this description?

• They never seem to be happy unless they are unhappy.

• They believe that most of the good things that happen in life are due to good luck, and they feel they are unlucky.

• If they feel liked at all, they feel it is due to what they have or what they can do for someone.

• If they are paid a compliment, they respond by refuting the statement or giving some reason why it is unjustified.

• The few friends they have easily become worn down with their pessimistic outlook.

• They seem to find it easy to view things negatively and have great difficulty believing in possible positive outcomes.

• Life for them is one tragedy after another.

If you know someone like this and you comment to them that it is a beautiful day, they might respond by saying, “Yes, but the long range forecast is for a very dry summer.”

If you compliment a meal they have prepared, they may reply, “Yes, but we can’t afford to eat like this very often –food costs too much these days.”

Even praise for their children brings forth devious remarks like, “Well, they only act nice when they are around other people. At home they are horrible.”

These unhappy individuals seem to thrive on the negative. Happiness is rare for them, and when it does occur it is short-lived.

On the flip side, optimistic thinkers tend to accept the reality of a situation, but they also try to make the best of it by practicing active coping techniques. They tend to step back from a bad situation, look at it in a broader perspective, then reframe the situations in a more positive light. Optimistic people are those who see a glass as half full, not half empty. They focus on that doughnut instead of the hole.

Many optimists are able to view life as cyclical in nature, accepting this phenomenon and looking for ways to shorten the down-turns and increase the up-turns.

Most of us remember periods of adversity, when things looked bleak and gloomy. We also remember when things changed. Sometimes it seemed slow but the silver linings did begin to reappear and a rainbow helped us realize that blue skies were again on horizon.

I have found that active copers tend to look for options-alternative ways of solving their problems. Instead of giving up and saying no options exists, they adopt the philosophy that they can find a solution, creating new options if necessary.

What is amazing is that the alternatives or options may appear at the least expected moments. Have you experienced the “ah-ha” insight emerge after awakening from sleep? Or while watching a beautiful sunset or listening to a piece of music?

There is nothing wrong with expressing distress. But having the feeling that you are attempting to deal with it gives you the ability to move forward in life.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 2002