Failure can be good experience

Do you believe as do many people that failure is terrible? Are you afraid of failing?

A family friend once told me that any failure was a blessing, that until you have failed at something you have attempted you have never seen yourself as you really are. Constant success, he said, gives you a picture of only one side of yourself. Once you have failed at something, you can step back, assess your abilities, and work toward becoming a more self-actualized human being.

We are taught from early childhood to try and try again. And as we develop, from infancy to early childhood to adolescence and adulthood, we learn many skills by trial-and-error. In learning to ride a bicycle, we fall, but we always pick ourselves up, and as the old song said, “brush yourself off, and start all over again.”

Failures or reverses have been called bittersweet. A popular saying often seen on wall posters quips, “If life gives you a lemon, make lemonade.” Life isn’t always fair to everyone, but when failure can be viewed as having positive components, it can have merits.

Why then do we fear it?

Before answering that, we need to be aware of what we are really afraid of in failure. Are we afraid of losing self-esteem? Will we think we are not a worthy person because we failed? Will we lose the respect of our family or friends? Will we be embarrassed?

Part of the answer lies in the fact that because we live with many irrational beliefs, beliefs that cannot be supported by evidence, we grown up with the thought that failure must be avoided at all cost. That little voice keeps saying things like, “Quitters never win. Nobody likes a loser. If you don’t win the first time, keep trying until you do win.” Other points to think about include:

• We think that because we have failed once, we will continue to fail. In reality, we should say that trying and failing may be disappointing, but experience is a wonderful teacher. We always learn from past mistakes.

• Sometimes looking back on a failure can be good for personal development. Looking back on a sad experience can cause you to set new goals and utilize hidden strengths. Families who have lived through tragedies can attest to the new dimensions they gained.

• Failure can open new doors, provide new contacts and opportunities. It may mean changing your lifestyle.

• Failure is good for one’s humility. Sometimes a person experiencing failure will become a more compassionate, understanding person.

If you are in a holding pattern, reflecting on a failure and unable to start up your life again, ask yourself what was the worst result that came from this failure. Concentrate on ways to keep that from happening again. Remember that the best way to think about failure is to pursue what you want, but to know that if you ware not successful, you can use the experience to analyze what you have tried, how you tried, and why you tried it in the first place? What was your goal?

Mark this analysis as a great success. Then get going.

If you are contemplating a new endeavor, but fear failure, list all the things that could happen, god and bad. Tally up the list. If you are a risk taker, you know how to consider the odds.

But remember you won’t fear failure if you face it and act. In fact, you will face the future with less anxiety, more determination and new confidence.

Copyright c 1990 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.