Happy holidays can be upsetting for some

Anyone who hasn’t heard about how to handle holiday stress has:

Not read a newspaper, watched television or been to a civic club meeting during the past 10 years.
Lived in a foreign country where Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s weren’t celebrated.
Had a massive case of “bah humbug” – causing them to pay no attention to the holiday season.

Not that the subject has been overworked, but most of us know only too well that unrealistic expectations of a perfect holiday season is probably the greatest cause of holiday stress.

Excessive behavior in pursuit of this goal leads to short-term and long-term pain. Hangovers, weight gain and post-holiday debt exemplify the “gluttony” of diminished self-discipline.

People sometimes anticipate a family closeness during the holidays that they don’t have during the rest of the year. In reality, holiday pressures can cause old family quarrels and petty jealousies to erupt again.

Let’s examine some of the underlying problems giving rise to holiday stress:

• For many, the holiday season produces a shift away from normal routine. Many of us are creatures of habit. Our biological/perceptual clock, containing a rhythm related to work and time off, is often deregulated during the holidays.

If the holiday stretches into a long weekend, the confusion about the beginning of the work week results. If the holiday falls during the mid-week, confusion arises and sometimes affects the following week.

Festivities and social activities can cause us to deviate from our normal activity cycle. If the festivities last for several weeks, many individuals feel stress. Even stepped up activities for several days can result in some stress.

Being away from the routine of work is not a blessing for everyone. For these people, more unstructured time than they are accustomed to produces anxiety. This anxiety can lead to compulsive behaviors such as overeating, excessive alcohol intake and overspending. These individuals thrive on the boundaries and parameters of a regular, structured schedule. Without it, a delicate balance can be easily upset.

• The holiday season brings out the worst in the perfectionist. People pleasers and those who feel compelled to fix everyone else’s problems can have a hard time. Society’s focus of attention on other people’s misfortunes and needs during this time of the year can produce a great deal of guilt in those who feel the need to help everyone.

These individuals often feel they need to make up for all of their perceived shortcomings by giving rigorously of their time and money, only to feel they have fallen short of reaching their goal. They end up feeling guilty and inadequate.

A safe rule of thumb is to be aware of the areas of your personality where you feel most vulnerable and weak. They are the areas most likely to be open to assault during the holiday season.

Self-awareness coupled with forethought and some resilience helps most people get through the holidays with minimum damage.