Lending an ear can be powerful gift to a troubled soul

Have you ever considered why simply talking to someone makes you feel better?

Members of the clergy, mental health professionals and close trusted friends often serve as listeners and almost everyone at some point in their life can benefit from having a good listener.

Here are some of the elements of this exchange between two people:

Simply having someone listening to you who genuinely cares is one essential element of this process. An active listener who exhibits concern in an unconditional manner is an important part of the process. A good listener is often simply a neutral sounding board. A listener who is compromised by biases of his own may detract from the quality of being a good listener. Genuine concern and empathy come from someone who is unbridled by his own feelings and agendas.

Talking with someone else about our cares and concerns frequently enables us to crystallize our thoughts and define the parameters of the problem. After talking to a good listener, many individuals find that they can see many of the solutions to their own problems because they have clearly defined them. In highly stressful situations many individuals become confused and disoriented, impairing their ability to think clearly, logically and rationally. This “sounding board” effect often servers the troubled individuals by providing a mechanism for which they can sort out their thoughts and look at things more objectively. A good listener may provide very little feedback in these situations. Instead, he may simply encourage the one seeking help to verbalize, clarify, and finally to seek options for a solution.

In other situations, the listener may serve in the role of a “confessor.” Simply “getting something of the chest”, as the old saying goes, is all that is needed for some individuals. This instance provides the individual the ability to confront feelings and emotions that may have been difficult in the past. The spilling out of one’s feelings and thoughts often has a purging and cathartic quality giving the concerned individual the ability to evaluate his own behavior and perhaps resolve to make changes.

For some individuals with more complex problems, psychotherapy with an emphasis on listening has been referred to as the “talking cure.”

Effective listening is a wonderful skill to possess and can be a great gift to those in need of this assistance.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 2003