Public Displays of Affection

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

My boyfriend and I have been dating a few months and I am having trouble with his constant need to touch or kiss me while we’re in public. He often tries to cuddle and snuggle with me during what seems to be the most inappropriate times! I really care about my boyfriend but I’m afraid that his desire for public displays of affection will be the downfall of our relationship.

Dear Reader:

Public displays of affection or PDAs, are certainly not for everyone. While some people find them romantic and sweet, others believe public displays of affection are taboo and uncouth.

In the instance that a couple disagrees about the frequency, intensity, or mere existence of PDAs, a couple must learn to communicate their needs and wants to each other in order to resolve this dilemma. In most sound romantic relationships there is a balance between free expression of emotion and maintaining healthy boundaries. Therefore, couples should establish some kind of agreement as to what constitutes “romantic and loving” when in the company of others. Every couple will find their own delicate balance between what is comfortable and what is inappropriate.

For those couples that agree to engage in more open expressions of romance, remain aware of your surroundings. There is a difference between others envying you for your sweet affections and your receiving glares of disapproval from on-lookers. Remember also that there is very often a time and a place for appropriate PDA’s. While at church or other places of worship it is probably best for a couple to keep public displays of affection at bay out of respect for the religious service occurring around them. During dinners or celebrations with family members keep in mind that your in-laws may not approve of ear nibbling or cuddling in their presence. Even a couple’s closest friends might feel uncomfortable about PDAs so be thoughtful of them when you are together at a social event. At school or while at work it is also not a good place to engage in PDA due to the strict guidelines of administrators, teachers, and managers trying not to blur personal and professional boundaries.

Most importantly, if a couple wants to be open with their romantic affections they should be sincere and authentic. PDA’s happen because of mutual attraction, not an attempt to attract the attention of others.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 2004