Why do some people seem to be able to endure hardship and gain strength in tough times? My husband has recently lost his job, my parents are getting a divorce and I face some health problems. I feel very isolated and need help.
A reader in Arizona
Dear Reader:
Resiliency and survivorship are prominent characteristics for some individuals. Not surviving is not an option in their lives. Studies of individuals who survive and thrive under stress where odds against survival are high have shown that one’s mental attitude can make coping and adjusting not only possible but probable. The old sayings “Where there is a will there is a way” or “That which does not kill me, makes me stronger” might serve as examples of the mindset needed to face difficult situations.
Uncertainty and change can produce feelings of chaos and fear in some people. If persistent, these feelings can grow and give rise to the perception that negative consequences will result whenever we make attempts to adapt. Individuals caught in this trap often become anxious and insecure. They begin to assume the worst, expect failure or even passively give up. The result can cause chronic feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
One of the keys to resiliency and being a survivor is to refrain from perceiving change as a threat and instead view change as a challenge and opportunity. This is easier for some individuals than others, but practicing and embracing change in small steps can increase and instill confidence which decreases the perception of change as a threat.
Reduce feelings of chaos and uncertainty by consolidating the essential elements in your life, and these measures will decrease over commitment and unwanted external demands. Individuals under stress frequently make their situation worse by obligating themselves to more projects and demands. Feelings of insecurity arise and the ability to focus decreases.
Review priorities frequently. Slow down. Avoid panic by maintaining your focus and goals. Examine your commitment to relationships and compare this commitment to energy spent acquiring material things and other ego-inflating endeavors. How much time do you spend talking your spouse, children, friends and other relatives? Positive relationships can build feelings of security and self-esteem.
Resiliency and survivorship are among the cornerstones of good mental health. Good luck to you and your family.
Copyright © 2006 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.
Hi.
I’m an experienced Clinical Practitioner, Administrator, Professional Writer, and Lecturer.
