This year, give yourself the gift of relaxation

Do you find it difficult to refuse an invitation? Say not to a request?

Then the holiday season may be a perfect time to begin practicing the essential skills of saying no. During the holiday nearly everyone is busy and most people have a calendar filled with more than their usual number of activities. This may make your ability to decline invitation easier.

Begin by tactfully saying, “No, I am sorry but I can’t at this time.” Or perhaps say, “Prior commitments make it necessary for me to request a rain check.” Most people are understanding and will not question you further.

Those who chronically over commit themselves usually end up feeling exhausted, overextended, overwhelmed and depleted. They may need help learning to be more assertive and objective about their excessive need to please others.

Here are some guidelines and reasons that may help you say no at this time of the year, and in doing so, improve your physical and psychological well-being by reducing stress.

• The holiday season is grounded in such concepts as peace, joy, happiness and feelings of well-being. Overcommitment can produce imbalance and negate the season’s very cornerstones.
• Make the decision to simplify your lifestyle.
• Saying no to excessive commitments can make more enjoyable those activities you choose to keep.
• Decide to give yourself the gift of relaxation.
• Overcommitment can produce chronic fatigue, which is both unpleasant and unhealthy.

If you need suggestions on healthy and effective priorities in order to set boundaries and limits, let me suggest:

• Your physical, mental and spiritual health.
• If married, the relationship with your spouse.
• The relationship with your children.
• Time for your extended family, friends, work, hobbies, etc.

For many, the holiday season becomes a time when too many needs and demands collide with too little time. Reconciling these opposing realities becomes a challenge. Individuals who practice goal-setting, list-making and schedule-keeping are more likely to make it through the holidays unscathed by stress.

If none of these strategies keep you from feeling overwhelmed by the activities and demands of the holiday season, then perhaps this final suggestion will help. For the rest of the holiday season, set aside time each day that is protected and free from intrusion or perhaps set aside a whole day or two. You may want to sleep late, go to bed early, curl in front of the fire with a good book, make a leisurely visit to your favorite museum or spend quiet time with your spouse or good friend.

As someone once said, “If you can’t seem to deflect the incoming requests and pressure by saying no, then perhaps you need to just get of the way.” If you set mandatory “time-outs,” then you are going to be less available for potential over commitment.

Copyright c 1996 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.