Dysfunctional families breed co-dependents

Individuals from dysfunctional families often describe the atmosphere they lived in as one that did not provide a safe, nurturing environment.

Causes of dysfunction in families are multiple. Dysfunctional families may be marked by problems with alcohol or other drugs; they may have communication patterns marked by screaming, yelling or derogatory remarks. Other characteristics of these families are:

Physical or psychological abuse.
Physical or emotional abandonment.
Chronic illness of one or more members.
Infidelity.
Little attention to emotional needs.
Little affection shown.
Parents are often absent from the home.

After being reared in a dysfunctional family, an adult may find it difficult to function in a healthy relationship.

The following questions are representative of many of the difficulties experienced by those reared in dysfunctional families. If you take the test, answer the questions truthfully.

In a personal relationship does the other person frequently make decisions for both of you?
Is it difficult for you to share feelings with this person?
Does he/she often tell you what to wear?
Does it seem you place this person’s needs ahead of your own?
Have you ever been hit or feared being hit by this person?
Do you often have sex with him/her when you don’t want to?
Do you find yourself keeping silent or just agreeing with him/her in order to keep peace?
Do you feel you are the primary giver in this relationship?
When alone, do you often feel uncomfortable and anxious?
Is it difficult to express your anger in an acceptable way?
During times of stress and conflict, do you often lose control of your emotions?
Do you have a strong need for everyone to like you?

If you answered yes to many of these questions, you may fit into a category of individuals called co-dependents, a concept that is being researched and further defined and is complex in nature. Co-dependence is often defined as the excessive need to take care of others to gain recognition, acceptance or experience positive self-esteem. It frequently results from being in a dysfunctional family.

Most mental health authorities agree that co-dependency is a problem that varies in degree, from individuals who are very dysfunctional in their relationships with others to those who experience few difficulties.

Many resources are available to those who need assistance with co-dependency, including support groups. Written materials, audio and video tapes as well as individual therapy and counseling from professionals can also help.

Unless the problem is defined, the problem often perpetuates itself and moves on to the next generation. Many individuals from dysfunctional families who have characteristics of co-dependency do not seek help because they believe the situation will get better. Those who have received help, however, can attest to the changes that can occur in their lives as a result of education, treatment and awareness.

Copyright c 1991 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.