Friendships make life worthwhile

Admitting that it took a lot of time and energy to maintain friendships, Nell told her fellow retirement residents that friends were her greatest joy in life. But she emphasized that joy was a cooperative effort.

“Fortunately, I have friends in all walks of life and scattered across the country in many states,” she said.

Writing letters, receiving phone calls and having visitors occupied a good portion of Nell’s daily routine. Other residents were not so fortunate. They rarely received a phone call, a card or a letter in the mail. They wondered why Nell had so many friends and contacts.

“Frankly,” Nell told them, “I have worked at it.”

Nell said she realized when her husband died at an early age that she didn’t want to depend on her only son to provide a social life for her. She had been a good wife and mother, giving most of her time to them and to her home. Since she wanted to be an interesting person, she cultivates friends of all ages and many interests. She new age didn’t matter. Companionship and compatibility did.

A special friend was a boy in elementary school near her home. When she heard he needed help in reading aloud, she invited him to visit three afternoons a week. Nell loved to read to him, and she encouraged him to bring his books. Soon the teacher noted a great improvement in his reading skills. For Nell, it was the beginning of a long-lasting friendship as she continued to encourage him throughout his school years.

When Sue’s husband died, Nell was there to listen and helped her work through the early stages of grief. She encouraged Sue to pick up the pieces of her life and seek new contacts. By helping and sharing her experience, Nell and Sue became close friends and shared many pleasant hours together.

There were other people to help, in the hospital, delivering meals on wheels, in the day-care center, dispensing food to the needy. Nell tried them all, keeping her days filled with new interests.

There were old friends with whom she could share a lunch or a neighbor she could invite for a cup of coffee. As she grew older and more confined to her home, she began a call-in network for shut-ins. At an appointed time each day, Nell checked them off her list as she made the necessary telephone calls. If they didn’t answer, she notified a neighbor or relative to check on them.

Now in her golden years, she offered further words of wisdom about how to be a better friend.

Try to make yourself available to listen to a friend.
When your friend asks for advice, listen, but respond very carefully.
Don’t take sides in an argument your friend is having.
Always be honest.
Always be trustworthy. If a friend asks you to keep a confidence, don’t break that trust.
Choose your friends and treat them like precious gems.
Friends make life meaningful, rich and zesty. They are a million-dollar investment.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1986