Make new friends, keep the old

Graduation is a major life change. Whether it is from high school or college, it means new associations and the forming of new friendships.

Tom was graduating from high school and entering a college many miles from home. Although he had been planning for his education and future career for a long time, he was having some feelings of reluctance and fear about making new friends and missing old friends, especially his best friend, Paul. Paul had been his playmate in kindergarten, his teammate in Little League, his study mate and tennis partner in high school. They had shared so many good times together.

Sue was moving to a distant city after college commencement after having been hired by an accounting firm. After many interviews with business representatives, she knew she had made the best choice for a new career and future advancement, still she felt a little apprehensive about getting to know people and leaving behind all her friends. She and her roommate, Mary, had already discussed ways in which they were going to keep in touch. Sue and Mary could share opinions, thoughts and feelings. They often had been supportive of each other during their college days.

What Tom and Sue were realizing was that throughout life many acquaintances are made, but few of these become or remain friends.

Studies on socialization have shown it takes time – at least three years – to turn an acquaintance into a genuine friendship, one that will withstand tests of loyalty and trust.

In the early years toddlers play together and extend signs of friendship by sharing toys. As they enter school they may choose friends who are like themselves, who like the same games and activities and even have the same disposition. Boys seem to be more concerned with being part of a group, while girls choose one friend. Friends help youngsters and adolescents become independent and separate themselves from their parents and siblings. Childhood is a time for developing selectivity and learning how to make choices.

Later, in high school and college, girls share conversations and feelings while boys continue to share activities with friends. Boys begin to find at least one friend with whom they can share ideas and from whom they can derive support. By high school, both have friends of the opposite sex.

Young adults meet friends through work, organizations and through activities or leisure time pursuits. Throughout the adult years, friends are therapeutic, helpful, fun and a necessary social relation for psychological, intellectual and physical wellbeing. Most spouses keep old friends after marriage.

Graduating and changing locations may be one of the first serious tests of maintaining long-term friendships. As Tom and Sue realized, old friends are worth the effort to maintain as quoted in the adage, “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold.” Making new friendships requires qualities of kindness, tact, faithfulness, understanding and sensitivity.

Friendship skills can be learned. Applying participation, cooperating, communication and support will usually turn in acquaintance into a friend yielding values of support, the sharing of experiences, feelings and ideas, as well as providing support and help.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1988