Life without friends would be very lonely

Unlike family, friends are chosen. Although the circumstances of choosing may be random selection, individuals only become friends through mutual choice.

Psychologists have long agreed that everyone needs at least one individual from whom they can receive love or affection. It is a rare person who can live the life of a hermit and not seek human contact.


It is, however, the facets of friendship that vary widely from person to person. The subject of friendships has been the thread woven into many books and stories. Authors delve deeply into the psyche of human nature to explore the loyalties and sacrifices one will make for another human being. Each relationship is unique and ranges from unselfish devotion to sheer admiration.

• Common qualities of friendship, however, usually include:

• Trust

• Shared interests or attraction to another person's interest

• Acceptance of the person as they are

• Confidence and understanding

• Nurturing or a bonding which results in helping each other

• Individuals with a wide range of friends may have friends with whom they share a love of recreation. Certain fisherman or hunters fish only with certain friends. They share not only the love of the sport, but confide in one another about life problems and use the time they spend together to refuel and keep the friendship alive.

• Through a mutual interest friends share their love of literature, theology, art, genealogy, or any other subject of their choice and from this base establish friendships which may grow and ripen or extend to other aspects of their lives.

• Individuals for a common cause may work shoulder to shoulder and form a friendship that will spill over into a deeper understanding of themselves.

• Some friendships are part of childhood and stand the test of time. These friends continue to offer support and encouragement through the peaks and valleys. They are not envious and rejoice with a friend when things are great and who empathize with them when they aren't.

• Friends will offer support and substance to you in times of grief. They have the uncanny sense to be there when you need them and to be absent when you don't.

• Marriage counselors agree that best friends are often married to each other.

• Interrupted friendships become subjects for television shows as friends are reunited and explain what made them become friends in the first place and why they now seek to restore that feeling of shared insights.

• Nearly everyone agrees that friendships require time spent together. Although friends can not always meet face to face, they can communicate through telephone, letters, etc. Clients have told me that they miss friends they once had, but because of moving to another city, or because of demands of their job or family they have lost contact with them. They say that maintaining friendships requires both time and energy. But friends understand the difficulty of keeping in touch. A quick phone call, a note written just to say hello helps to keep the friendship alive. Friendships have been rekindled at class reunions, or through chance meetings at business seminars.

And they all agree that life without friends is lonely. Friends may be waiting for you to meet them in church groups, in volunteer organizations, or out walking your dog. You can initiate a response. Friendship is a people connection action.

Copyright c 1993 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.