Get in touch with your emotions

A self-check on myself to determine if my feeling responses and emotions were appropriate revealed some unexecuted responses. Last week, I discussed the necessity of getting in touch with one’s emotions and feelings and being able to identify them accurately.

Test No. 1: One cold, clear winter night I decided to bundle up and sit out on my redwood deck overlooking the lake. For a brief period I would collect my thoughts, look up at the stars on this crisp, clear night and let the feelings of winter surround me. As I strolled toward the deck I was anticipating several moments of solitude.

Clinically, I noted my blood pressure was probably lowered, my respiration and my heart were unlabored, and I began to slip into a period of peace and solitude. I felt the stage was set as the children were either in bed or upstairs studying. My wife had settled down with a good book in front of the fire. Everything seemed perfect for this planned contemplative moment until I sat down in one of the lawn chairs, which had accumulated about a gallon of cold water from a recent downpour.

The reactions were strictly physiological. I shot up from my seated position with the reaction time approaching that of a race car driver. The emotional feelings I experienced ranged from shock and confusion to disbelief. Needless to say it took but a few minutes to race into the house to change clothes. Only later did I correctly label these responses.

Test No. 2: On another occasion, several nights later I was lying on the couch rather late in the evening when I tuned into the ongoing conversation between my two teen-age sons who were upstairs preparing for bed. T hey were discussing happenings of the day and talking about the next day’s events.

At the end of the conversation, just before the lights went out, they said to one another, “I love you.” I wasn’t prepared for my feelings or my response. Frankly, this brought tears to my eyes. I had even convinced earlier that evening that because of their combative behavior homicide was just around the corner.

I labeled these feelings and responses as love for my family, appreciation for accomplishing the values my wife and I have tried to instill, and again, a little shock and disbelief. I savored this moment and these feelings for several days and still think about the event occasionally, especially when the boys seem to be on the verge of combat.

Last test: This one produced a mixture of feelings, and I hope I have correctly identified each of them. As I walked into a service station with my 5-year-old daughter to pay for gasoline, a young woman attendant glanced our way as she took my credit card. Thinking she was sure to please me, she commented how much my daughter looked like her grandfather. My first response was one of denial, which quickly changed to depression. Admittedly my daughter is a late-life “bonus” baby, but I still am not ready to be identified as her grandfather. Later, as I told my wife about the experience, we laughed together – although my humor was admittedly somewhat forced.

There are many experiences I have not touched on during this brief article. I hope to discuss more about human emotions in the future.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1986