Keep track of your feelings in a journal

Have you ever had an important decision to make but become stuck and immobilized when thinking about it?

Recently a reader told me the following:

“I am in a relationship with a person that I think I am in love with and would like to marry, but I don’t seem to be able to come to a decision. It has gotten to the point that I really need to decide about my future. It’s really not fair to keep the person that I think I am in love with waiting any longer.”

“My job keeps me very busy and I don’t have time to think about much else during the day. At night it seems like I am so tired that I am unable to think very objectively about anything.”

“My feelings vacillate so much that I can’t remember a week ago how I was feeling about this person and I am confused. My friends have tried to be helpful, but I don’t want them to make my decision for me. My parents are good listeners but have made it clear that I need to decide for myself what to do.”

“Can you suggest some techniques that might be useful in helping me make my decision?”

Many of us arrive at points in our lives where major decisions are necessary but difficult. Letting other people decide for us or basing our decision on impulse enhances the possibility that we will not be satisfied with our decision later.

Following are some suggesting you might find useful:

• Try keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings. Write in the journal each day, letting your thoughts flow freely and unimpeded by outside distractions or opinions set by other people.

Several things can be accomplished, including a theme about your thoughts and feelings over time, a crystallization and solidification of your feelings and thoughts and a record of how you felt in the past. Many times, looking over the journal after several days, weeks, or even months, will help you decide what you want to do.

• Take off some time away from work and other responsibilities, if possible. Go to a beach, a cabin in the mountains, or head to a camping ground or your favorite fishing hole. Take some long walks, enjoy the sunset and meditate or pray about your inner resources helping you make your decision.

• Consider counseling. Sometimes a professionally trained individual can help you sort out the “pros and cons” and make a subjective decisions become more objective. Perhaps you are too close to the forest to see the trees. Maybe looking at the potential negatives in the relationship is being overpowered by strong, passionate emotions. Perhaps the individual you are trying to decide about is not giving you the space needed to make your decision and overpowering you with his or her choices and desires.

• The fact that you are having a difficult time making a decision, especially if you generally don’t’ have too many problems with decisions, may be telling you something in and of itself. Are there reasons you haven’t considered that are making your decision difficult?

Copyright c 1994 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.