Maybe you avoided making a New Year’s resolution. Maybe you decided to work on a personal fault quietly to avoid calling attention to the behavior you wished to modify. One behavior that most of us can work on in the year ahead is that of handling criticism.
We should remember that handling criticism is a two-part operation. You have to know how to give it and how to take it.
Self-help books offer good advice on how to deal with criticism in personal relationships. Industry, too, has spent billions of dollars on staff development and management seminars that teach techniques for giving criticism that will result in more efficient workmanship without damaging employee relations.
Most of us do not realize that criticizing others is a revealing part of our own personality in that we often criticize faults which are really part of our own makeup. If you are in the position of criticizing someone in the work place, you should:
Focus on the problem, not on the person.
Be direct, not evasive.
Watch your language.
Avoid accusations.
Be specific. State facts.
Remember that people respond more and learn more if they are told what they are doing right instead of what they are doing wrong.
Put yourself in the place of people you are about to criticize, if possible. Criticism is much easier to accept if the listener feels secure in his relationship with you. You might begin with a statement to the effect that you value their work skills and depend upon them to a great degree. When dealing with people who are particularly sensitive, you can give lots of positive strokes about their personality, their capabilities and their past performance.
At the same time, don’t believe that all criticism has to be soft-pedaled. Anger is permissible when the occasion justifies it. Flagrant violation of rules of conduct should be handled with genuine expression of feelings. You have to be honest to be sincere.
On the other side of the coin, criticism can be a bitter pill to swallow. Many of us realize that accepting constructive criticism is a way to grow and mature, and sometimes we are unaware that our mannerisms or faults are offensive to others or that they impede our success. If the criticism comes on the job, it often results from misunderstanding what was expected of us.
Ask for specific details if your supervisor criticizes your performance. Ask “What did you expect? What were the goals you hoped to reach?” Then you have the opportunity to reply with a statement like, “In the future, I will outline the plan before I begin and clear it with you. In that way, we will have a better understanding of what the finished project will look like.”
When receiving criticism, don’t feel you always have to comply and change according to the other person’s perception of you. The best response to any critical statement should be to listen. Then analyze and ask yourself: How can I use this information? You may wish to change, or you may decide you have other priorities and will hold that information for later use. The important thing to remember is that you have options.
To take criticism properly, remember that it is a lesson. We all learn by mistakes and we can all learn from constructive criticism.
When criticizing family and friends, you can act in much the same way. Be kind, be sure of your facts and set the proper stage for the criticism. Don’t criticize your wife when you are irritable or upset.
A friend of mine, while practicing to be a better employer, used a tape recorder to record an evaluation before he met with an employee. He practiced before a mirror to see how he would sound and look while giving it. When I asked if it helped, he laughed and said he had erased his tape and started over. Not a bad way to start the New Year.
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1988
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I’m an experienced Clinical Practitioner, Administrator, Professional Writer, and Lecturer.
