My father had an expression he used often that directed the manner in which he approached and sought solutions for problems.
That expression was:
“If you are worried about something, work to find a solution to your problem. If you can’t find a solution, forget about this situation and move on to do something you can change and do something about.”
His philosophy was, of course, broader than simply handling worries. It served as a way of looking at life and directing his activity.
Also, to some degree, this philosophy affected his relationships with those around them.
Over the years his children learned to apply his credo. It became part of the framework we used to look at life and its daily up and downs.
Recently I spoke to a group of individuals who had encountered tumultuous changes and were attempting to deal with the ripples and tides that followed. I asked them to consider my father’s philosophy in terms of control over those events.
There are things you can control, and there are those you cannot, I told them.
• Where the potential for control exists, action on your part can produce a sense of accomplishment and completion.
• Where control is impossible or outside of your reach, recognizing that continued efforts to change the situation will be non-productive and moving on to something else will produce feelings of relief and freedom for you.
There are two other options.
• Continued action on things that are outside of your control. This will produce feelings of frustration and lack of completion or closure.
The struggle to keep on keeping on is often described as chasing one’s tail or battling one’s head against a brick wall.
• Taking no action when control is possible, as in a situation where change is possible, but you choose to exert no effort toward making a change. This can be damaging to one’s self-esteem. It also can produce feelings of failure.
In working with individuals and groups moving through the transition and change, I have found that my father’s philosophy is useful and practical. It has certainly worked well for me, for the most part, over the years.
By now many of you have probably recognized this same philosophy in other forms, such as the famous serenity prayer:
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
In my opinion, this outlook on life should be taught to our children at an early age.
Those who have the responsibility for the care and education of children should model this philosophy and help the children implement it in their daily lives.
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright © 1993
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I’m an experienced Clinical Practitioner, Administrator, Professional Writer, and Lecturer.
