Men, women subject to midlife crisis

His memories of just how the affair got started were fuzzy. Yes, he was somewhat bored in his career and unhappy about the affect of age on his looks. He looked at men a few years older and notice the increased incidence of health problems, diminished stamina and preoccupation with retirement – all topics which he equated with being “over the hill” and end of life issues. Perhaps he felt some panic but there was no doubt that he was very unhappy.

He spent quite a bit of time with the younger woman, first in areas related to their work but later the conversations drifted into their personal lives. She too, said she was unhappy and expressed hopelessness and helplessness over financial matters, the absence of a male role model for her two young children and the lack of someone to talk to about her feelings. Her expression of admiration and respect for him and his accomplishments gradually became more personal and included comments about how bright and witty he was, how she admired his strength and courage and how being in his presence made her feel safe and secure. The group lunches at the office soon became a twosome and it wasn’t long before they were having dinner together and finding excuses to schedule their business trips out of town at the same time.

His wife began to suspect something when he began “upgrading” his wardrobe with the latest clothing that was in style for younger men. He began to lose weight and work out regularly. He became more and more defensive about his schedule and began accusing her of trying to control his life and curtail his freedom. She really became alarmed when he stopped showing interest in her sexually and purchased a new, expensive sport car.

The above scenario is a composite of case history’s heard by mental health counselors who deal with the so called mid-life crisis. Most authorities agree that putting a label on this series of events like those stated above is of questionable validity, however, both men and women do seem to be at risk and vulnerable to major life changes during their 40’s and 50’s.

For many, some of the following factors may be present:

• Recognition that the mid-point of life has been reached and that some dreams are probably never going to be achieved.

• Careers that have often reached a plateau with the opportunity for advancement and financial gains being limited.

• Children needing less intense parenting and desiring less involvement with their parents.

• Changes in vision, hearing, physical capacity and sexual functioning.

• Aging parents, further magnifying the realization of the individuals own mortality.

• Contemporary cultural themes which often seem to indicate that infidelity is almost inevitable and perhaps okay.

• A society that seems to question the need for accountability, commitment, trust and loyalty.

Next week I will continue my discussion of this topic.