On Being Tactful

• A woman asked her best friend, “Do you like my new outfit?” The friend responded, “Well honestly, it looks a little tight on you…have you put on weight?”
• A college student received his long-awaited grade on his final English paper. The professor had scribbled in red ink, “Did you even read the novel? Your paper reads like a tale told by an idiot. You might need to think about taking remedial English 101.”
• Feeling as though his sales presentation had gone well he asked his boss for feedback and was shocked by the response, "If this company had to depend on your sales presentations to stay afloat, we would be half way to the bottom of the ocean. You may need to think about another line of work."

All of the above scenarios are examples of situations where individuals have forgotten or neglected to use tact. Learning to be tactful is a matter of learning to be thoughtful and considerate. In being tactful, we can avoid doing and saying things that hurt people. To be tactful, we need to learn how to deal with others in an inoffensive manner. But sometimes there are times when we are not sure how to act or respond to other people.
The following suggestions might be helpful in learning how to be tactful.

• Before you open your mouth to speak, ask yourself, “How would I feel if I were in this person’s position?” Choose your words carefully and think about how you would like to be treated in a similar situation.
• Realize that being right does not give you green light to be offensive. Express truth with courtesy and grace.
• Be assertive. Assertiveness is the ability to express your needs while respecting the needs of others.
• Give constructive not destructive criticism. Build on a person’s strengths and demonstrate savoir-faire in your relationships.
• Choose kindness and consideration. If you have a choice between hurting someone and being kind, choose to be kind.
• Be honest. Do not lie to others or manipulate a difficult situation to your advantage. Express your thoughts with sincerity rather than artificiality.
• Speak with respect and dignity. If you have to be the bearer of bad news, do it in such a way that demonstrates empathy and support.
Learn to use tact and increase your chances of developing nurturing and lasting relationships.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 2003