Problems come with perfectionism

How many times have you heard the following statements?

Anything worth doing is worth doing right.
If you can’t do something well, then you would be better off not doing it at all.
Effort is only important if you end up winning.
Do it right the first time or don’t do it at all.
Mistakes separate the successful from the unsuccessful.

If you found yourself agreeing with most of the above statements, you can probably put yourself in the perfectionist category. This is a large segment of society that sees the world as either black or white.

As a child you may have been repeatedly told things like, “Practice makes perfect” or “Nobody ever remembers the person who comes in second.”

The obvious problem with this kind of thinking is that it often leads to a belief that we must pursue “all or nothing at all.” This is the root cause of a lot of unhappiness in individuals who then spend their lives believing that the world is made up of right or wrong, black or white, all or nothing. Anything in between, the gray areas, are seen as no better than losing.

Individuals with this perfectionist outlook often see achieving 90 percent of a goal as failure. They become driven in their need to be perfect. They feel that leaving loose ends untied, maybe waiting for another day, is being out of control.

Paradoxically, perfectionists are often procrastinators. They won’t finish a task if they can’t make it perfect. They see their flaws more than their successes.

Some mental health professionals believe that this tendency toward perfectionism may be inborn. Perfectionists suffer from faulty, illogical and irrational thinking and seem to be “programmed” to think in self-defeating terms. Perfectionists also beget perfectionists, passing on from one generation to the next the tendency toward feeling insecure and having low self-esteem.

But perfectionists can change their behavior.

Stop listening to that inner voice that says, “You are not good enough.”
Focus on effort as well as the end result.
Recognize that improvement comes from experience, which also may include less-than-perfect results at times.
Redefine success in terms of what makes you feel good instead o letting others define success for you.
Minimize the “have-to” statements. Instead practice saying “I want to” or “I don’t want to.”
Become more aware of your own perfectionistic tendencies and recognize the gains that moderation can provide in many instances.
Quit painting yourself into a corner. The fear of doing something foolish limits opportunities and creativity.
Remember that being average at many things in life is simply being human.
Recognize that the price of being perfect is not only hard on you but for your family members and friends.

Copyright c 1998 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.