Striking balance in relationships worth the effort

As the old saying goes, it takes all kinds of people to make up a world. Most of us have encountered various personality types and have learned to live with them. But when we encounter the two extremes – the too rigid and the too flexible – which I discussed last week, we may experience some discomfort.

If you work with either of these types, are married to either or are either and wish to change, there are several important things to remember.

• Being at either end of this continuum of flexibility, one must wish to move toward the middle. Rigidity can produce hardships on others as well as on oneself. So can extreme flexibility.

• Stresses in life can magnify these extremes and make them worse. Either personality type must learn to cope effectively with stress and recognize the association between stress and extreme thinking and behaving.

• You can modify your behavior and attitude through systematic and conscious effort. If you are like a bowl of Jell-O, extremely laid back and lacking in self-discipline, begin a systematic program to add structure to your daily life. Start with one or two things. Perform these activities daily, developing them into a habit. For instance, if you are consistently tardy to appointments or work, make a conscious effort to set your alarm or watch the clock and report on time.

• If you tend to be at the other end of the spectrum, one who makes up his mind about something and never changes it, strive for acceptance of new ideas, ask for the viewpoint of others. Learn to relax. Put more humor into your life.

• If you work with individuals who are the opposite end of the continuum from you, you may have to bend a little more than you will like and more than you will feel comfortable about. But learning to work together will require patience and persistence on your part. And if your co-worker sees a change in your personality, he may be willing to unbend a little and begins his move toward his midpoint.

• If you are married to the other extreme, you probably have learned that any major change such as we are talking about is not going to occur overnight and takes a lot of hard work. But marriages of opposites can work, if both parties are willing to accept the other’s personality and become more flexible themselves.

• Remember that the rewards of establishing balance in one’s life are worth the effort and can greatly improve the quality of life. Remember also that if you are extremely flexible or extremely rigid that you have a long way to go before you have a problem in the other direction.

It takes a lot of effort to move from either extreme toward the midpoint and balance one’s personality. But the rewards of better relationships are worth it.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1986