Valentine's Day

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

My marriage has become somewhat stale, boring and routine. My husband and I have been married for 35 years, our kids are grown, and we seem to be drifting apart. I think that we were so busy raising our kids and providing for them that we didn’t take the time to care for and nurture our marriage Many of my friends tell me that their marriages are in this same sad state. Can you give me some ideas to make Valentine’s Day a new start for us?

-A wife in New York

Dear Reader:

Suggested gift No. 1 for your valentine, is the gift of listening. “Active” listening can show your spouse and sweetheart that you care. Listen and let your partner express his feelings. While you are listening, observe his tone of voice, body language and take note of what he says. Don’t use the excuse of “I try but he won’t talk.” Pick different subjects to talk about, ask open ended questions that require something besides a simple yes or no answer, and, pick a time to talk when he is not tired or preoccupied with other thoughts.

The second suggestion is the gift of developing uniqueness and creativity in your relationship. If you’re in a rut, come up with fresh and exciting ideas to surprise him. Try to start thinking outside the box about ways to breathe new life back into your marriage.

The third gift is that of verbalization. You may show him in a million ways that he is your sweetheart, but you still need to tell him that you love him or write about your love and feelings. How about a poem, a limerick, or an e-mail?

Most successful romantic relationships contain LUV – the simple gifts of listening, providing something unique and verbalizing or sharing your love with your valentine.

You can also go out and buy a memorable card or purchase a special gift. These show you care right now, but the gift of LUV will make your valentine last all year.

Here is a final thought for you to consider. There is an old saying “What is sauce (good) for the goose is sauce (good) for the gander.” Perhaps you could put a copy of this column next to his plate or on his pillow.