Ways to achieve harmony with coworkers

Jane worked with a colleague who consistently was unpleasant in every situation. Their duties required that they collaborate, even serve as a check and balance for each other.

Jane said she was often tempted to leave this good job because she was tired of trying to cope with her partner’s negative remarks, sarcasm and moodiness.

Instead she stayed on, reasoning that finances, her seniority and other benefits she had accrued outweighed the unpleasantness. She hoped future awards would be worth it. She wanted reassurance that she had made the right choice and also asked for suggestions to cope with the daily stress.

Although we can never change another person, we can model the kind of behavior that may influence them to see a better way for themselves. I gave Jane these points to consider:

• Realize that your partner may never change. If you stay, accept the fact that you are not responsible for her unhappy state. Not every problem in life has a perfect solution and you can only change yourself.

• Don’t tell yourself you have to learn to like the situation as it is. Admit you don’t like it, but leave it alone. Don’t dwell on the fact that your partner is unhappy. Tell yourself you decided to stay because it was best for you at this time and you have a choice and option in this decision.

• Keep work in its proper perspective. You are working to live, not living to work. Concentrate on a new self-interest. Indulge in a new hobby. Join a class to gain knowledge. Leave work behind when the day ends and be good to yourself. Return the next day with increased energy and self-assurance.

• Show compassion. Consider saying to her when she is particularly negative or sarcastic, “You seem to be upset about something. It there anything I can do to help?”

• Set some goals. When it is time to work together on a project, say something positive like, “I want this to be work we can be proud of. I will do all I can to make it happen.” You might suggest that since her strengths lie in certain areas that she begin on those and you will work on another aspect of the project. Then when are ready to join forces, each of you will have an individual contribution to present.

• Compliment her on any success she has. Often negative, sarcastic people lack healthy self-esteem.

• Set some boundaries. With input from he partner, Jane could establish what “my job is” and what “your job is.” Everybody likes to know their responsibilities and duties. With interaction, discuss tradeoffs.

• Inject a little humor into each day. Find something to laugh about, even if at first you laugh alone. Laughter is contagious and often breaks the ice in a gloomy situation.

Jane was willing to continue to work to achieve better harmony. She hoped that by gaining more self-control herself and by modeling a more professional person she could find a more satisfying work relationship.

Copyright c 1995 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.