Workaholism is common, but curable

A woman asked me about her husband who she said seemed to like to do nothing except work.

“He has no hobbies or friends outside of his workplace,” she said. “When he is not actually at work, such as an occasional Sunday, he admits to spending his time thinking about his job.”

“He is miserable on vacation, hates holidays and thinks nothing of putting in 12 to 14 hour days.”

“Our children hardly know him, but he doesn’t seem to care. Granted, he is very good at what he does; his boss constantly praises him, his co-workers tell him he is indispensable.”

“He takes on more than his share of responsibility, feeling that only he can do the job right. When I try to get him to talk to me about our unmet needs, he says he is too busy or too tired.”

“I am fairly certain he is faithful to me. He doesn’t drink or leave us financially insecure. He used to excuse his workaholic behavior saying he needed more money. This is no longer the case. I guess things could be worse, but I’m very unhappy.”

I replied, “There are many possible explanations for your husband’s preoccupation with his career.”

“As you pointed out, he seems obsessed with work. This exclusive focus on one narrow aspect of life is more common than many individuals realize.”

“To begin with, you mentioned he received recognition, praise, and approval from his co-workers. A long-standing sense of inadequacy, insecurity, and fear of failure may compel him to continue seeking those “strokes” to shore up a fractured ego.”

“This unconscious and seemingly insatiable need for recognition and approval drives many to seek situations in an attempt to fills this bucket with a hole in it.”

“Repetitions of patterns of behavior that deny the individual the chance to experience balance and diversity of experiences of life often result from issues of control.”

“A personality pattern exists in which behavior and emotions are directed by an attempt to constantly control underlying and pervasive anxiety. In an attempt to deal with these uncomfortable emotions and avoid confronting the issues that give rise to them, the individual develops rigid and narrowly focused patterns of behavior and thoughts as a way of insulating himself or herself from these threatening feelings.”

“By completely throwing himself into his work, your husband may be attempting to avoid anxiety that results from past unhappiness. Guarding against unacceptable impulses such as rage, is also a possibility of the dynamics of this situation.”

“Another possible explanation is that your husband’s vocation and avocation are closely related. He may derive immense pleasure and satisfaction from his work, and he may have little inclination to change.”

“It is quite possible, however, that he has little insight about how his complete immersion into his work is affecting the rest of his family.”

“Thank God it’s Monday” is the cry of more than one dedicated workaholic that I have counseled over the years. Your husband may need professional help to assess the reasons for his problem and possibility to provide an incentive for change.”

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright © 1993