Trust is essential, but not always instant

In complex relationships and business deals, one of the most frequent complaints is, “I just can’t seem to trust them.” Rather than trust, we often choose to suspect.

Because trust is not instantaneous, employers are often reluctant to trust new employees, preferring to wait until they have a proven track record. It takes time to ear the trust and confidence of others. Because the two are needed for high productivity and a need satisfying work climate, the key is to allow the trust and confidence to build, then work to keep it.

Trust is achieved by responding and performing to everyday situations, keeping promises, doing quality work, always maintaining a professional and ethical standard.

The employer who hopes to gain the trust of his employees will appreciate their questions and suggestions of new strategies. If the employer responds with a listening ear when an employee challenges or questions, trust begins to form. The employee will begin to feel comfortable expressing an opinion, offering suggestions and demonstrating his ability.

At the same time, an employee must have an open mind to criticism and discussion. He must have the wisdom to foresee the future, have long range goals and know that his training and acceptance of direction will prepare him for more responsibility and bigger challenges in the future. Again, trust and confidence in an employer will come when the best response and performance are given when challenged and questioned.

In simpler relationships, that of friends and family, trust and confidence will come when each responds to the needs of the other and demonstrates that a mutual sharing and reciprocal help is given. Blind trust is rare. Usually, only when we trust do we allow others to show that they, too, are trustworthy.

Parents often have difficulty trusting their children, especially when they reach adolescence and are trying to their own wings and pulling away from the safe anchor of parental care. Parents who have trusted their children and given them opportunities to demonstrate that confidence are usually the ones who will see their children respond to adult situations in a trusting manner.

Any process that increases dialogue with parents and teenagers will increase closeness and trust. Parents have to learn not to do too much for their children, but rather provide ways for children to show they can be trusted to respond to peers in a positive way.

When trust is broken, as in a marital relationship, it may take a long time to heal. Again, the response and performance of those in the commitment will be tested. It may take longer to rebuild trust than to establish it. The first response may be total honesty. Forgiveness is often all that is necessary to resume a healthy relationship. As long as doubt remains, the relationship is on a rocky road.

In any relationship, trust and confidence are necessary for productive healthy relationships, but they are qualities that do not just happen. They must be established through the abilities of the partners to respond and perform in ethical ways.

Copyright c 1991 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.