Breakthroughs not always positive

Many of us often do not stop to consider the possible negative consequences of technological breakthroughs. Following is just one hypothetical example:

A couple has been happily married for more than 45 years. Their sex life died a quiet, dignified death about 10 years ago (from her perspective), only to rise from the dead (no pun intended) when the husband started taking the new drug Viagra.

His erectile dysfunction is suddenly “cured,” and his thoughts immediately turn to a renewed sexual relationship with his wife. He is excited and overjoyed as he never considered that this area of his life had any chance of restoration. He feels as thought the clock has been rolled back and his self-esteem has improved.

His wife, on the other hand, feels as though the sexual part of their marriage has been completed. She is, frankly, unenthusiastic about resuming the physical part of their relationship.

Although the preceding situation is hypothetical, counselors, physicians and other health care specialists may encounter this difficulty in the days, months, and years ahead. Following are some suggestions for a couple who may encounter this difficulty in their relationship.

• Don’t shove the problem under the carpet and neglect to discuss it if it occurs. Some couples will have no difficulty with the resumption of their sexual activity. Others may find that a strain in their relationship develops after a lack of sexual activity for several years. The husband may feel that this drug has given him a new lease on life and rolled back the years. He may have forgotten many of the important and essential elements that accompany a healthy sexual relationship such as romance, caring and consideration of his wife’s feelings.

• Due to her age, physical changes also may have occurred in his wife that makes sexual intercourse unpleasant or even painful.

• Mutual respect and understanding of each other’s feelings and needs are imperative at this time in the marriage. A frank and open discussion of feelings and needs should take place before problems develop or worsen. Medical counseling may be necessary to help the wife find ways of reducing injury or pain due to physical changes that accompany age in many women.

The husband may also need to revisit the whole spectrum of activities that accompany a satisfying and healthy sexual relationship and remember that his wife’s interest in him sexually has to be preceded by his demonstration of love for her in all of the nonsexual areas that go into making up a healthy relationship.

Unfortunately, our enthusiasm for new technology is often short-sighted and sometimes not well thought out in terms of consequences. Perhaps, early attention to potential conflicts accompanying this technological breakthrough can help prevent problems from developing.

Copyright c 1998 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.