1st time grandparent not ready for that label
A reader recently poses the following question: “Dear Dr. LeCrone. I have recently become a grandparent for the first time and although I’m thrilled about having grandchildren, I’m ambivalent about certain aspects of being a grandparent. In all honesty, I have some difficulty in accepting the fact that if I’m a grandparent, I’m considered an older adult. I am told that I appear much younger than my chronological age and I work hard to keep my youthful appearance. I know that this smacks of narcissism but never-the-less, I’m just not really ready to look old, feel old, or be labeled an older person.
One of the things that bothers me about grandparenthood is the name my grandchildren will call me. Being called Granny, Grandma, or Grandmother all make me shutter as I associate all of these names with being an older person. Instead, I think I would prefer something that seemed age neutral or, maybe simply have my grandchildren call me by my first name.
As you can see this is more than simply a naming process for me and has definite psychological implications. Do you have any suggestions on dealing with this?”
Dear Reader: As you have probably already surmised, the name given to you by your first grandchild is most often the name that will be used by all of your grandchildren. Therefore, if what you’re called by your grandchildren is really important to you, then perhaps you can develop a strategy to influence this process of naming you as a grandparent.
Following are a few of my thoughts on the subject:
• Grandparents often wait until the first grandchild names them. This may be a child’s interpretation of their grandparent’s name which may end up being Tom-Tom for Tom or Bobo for Bob.
• Other combinations may include the grandparent’s first name combined with the word mama or daddy such as Mama-Lou, or Daddy-Jack.
• I have heard quite a few instances where the grandparent did want to be called a certain name and encouraged the child to call them by that name. However, sometimes this is easier said than done as the child may reject the grandparent’s suggestions.
• In some cases, I have heard of the child’s parents encouraging their child to call the grandparent a certain name and, of course, this needs to be carefully coordinated between the grandparent and the child’s parents in order to avoid misunderstandings.
An excellent book that may assist you in your effort to learn more about grandchildren naming their grandparents is entitled GRANDMOTHER BY ANOTHER NAME: ENDURING STORIES ABOUT WHAT WE CALL OUR GRANDMOTHERS by Carolyn J. Booth and Mindy B. Henderson. April 1997, Rutledge Hill Press; ISBN: 1558534814.
This book talks about why children pick the names they do when naming their grandparents. It is a collection of touching and inspirational stories about how the special names of grandparents come into being. It also offers a list of top ten grandmother names.
