A time for grandparents ‘to go with the flow’
The holiday season presents grandparents with many special opportunities to be involved with their extended families.
The following considerations might assist in this special but often stressful time of year:
• Grandparents need to be careful to keep their role as helpful and ancillary rather than primary and dominant. They should enjoy being part of the “scene” without feeling the necessity of being the major players.
• Grandparents should feel free to set boundaries and limits of their own. They shouldn’t be expected to spend excessive amounts of money on gifts, overtax themselves physically and emotionally, become mainly baby sitters for parents with a busy holiday schedule or even be cooks and housekeepers for extended families that want to converge upon the grandparents’ households.
• Grandparents should be aware of the need for their adult children and grandchildren to be with other extended family members. In-laws become numerous as families expand and enlarge. Grandparents need to be certain that they don’t put all of their emotional needs at the holiday season onto their grandchildren. Sharing time with other family members is essential to the growth and maturity of the grandchildren.
• Grandparents should consult with their adult children before buying certain gifts for the grandchildren. While toy weapons or noisy games may appear to be “hot” items in the aisles of the toy department, they are usually received with dread and annoyance in the homes as the parents have to “live with” these noise makers for a long time after the holiday season.
• Grandparents need to refrain from letting their love and excitement for their grandchildren overpower the expressions of closeness for their own adult children. As one adult parents said to me, “I want my parents to love and adore my children but do they have to forget me in the process?”
If grandchildren do come to the grandparents’ home during the holiday season, planning elaborate decorations and expensive activities is not necessary. This is a good time to concentrate on tradition. Displaying sentimental ornaments on the tree, talking about how mom and dad used to spend the holidays, and how they learned about the real meaning of this time of the year. Grandparents can reinforce the love they have for their children and the love their children have for their children.
• Modeling a behavior of giving rather than receiving is sometimes easier for grandparents than it is for parents. Planning an activity whereby the grandchild accompanies the grandparent to provide assistance and care to the unfortunate is a way to build a lasting memory.
One of the greatest milestones in an individual’s life can come during the time they are grandparents. Leaving a set of happy memories and emotions with a child is one of the greatest legacies a grandparent can leave.
