A Gift of Forgiveness

Today is Christmas Eve. Are you searching for a gift for a special person that will express your feelings? Most will agree that a gift that demonstrates feelings is more unique than one that has material value.

Let me suggest a special gift that doesn’t have a monetary value — the gift of forgiveness.

Suppose that the act or situation that needs to be forgiven is complex and longstanding, perhaps between you and a close friend or family member. Maybe you feel hurt, betrayed, bitter and angry and the thought of forgiving the other person intensifies these negative feelings.

Thoughts such as “they know that they were wrong” or “forgiving them won’t change the harm that was done” may make forgiving seem very difficult.

Forgiveness is not forgetting or not denying that past pain or injury incurred. It is a decision to begin again and rebuild a relationship despite pain and injury. It is remembering but still forgiving.

Mental health professionals know harboring a grudge is potentially harmful. Anger and bitterness can produce stress hormones within the body.

When anger is maintained and suppressed over time, the immune system doesn’t function effectively. A depressed immune system can increase susceptibility to viruses or autoimmune diseases.

Keeping unhealthy feelings inside drains the individual of the psychological energy necessary for creativity and optimism. They can lead to obsessive and ruminative thinking and the individual’s thought pattern becomes disrupted by hated, resentment, bitterness and thoughts of vindication.

Forgiveness necessitates changing perspective and looking beyond events that offend us. It becomes a matter of stepping back far enough to see the complexities that lead individuals to commit unwanted acts or deeds.