With perspective, forgiveness of others becomes much easier

“He’s a great friend unless you give him a reason not to be, and if this happens, he will never speak to you again.”

“If you get on her bad side she is through with you forever.”

“He is down on everybody, especially himself.”

Do any of these statements fit you or someone you know? If so, then you might want to consider the virtues of forgiveness. Many people would agree that forgiveness is one of those important things in life, especially for the other person.

These same people often confuse forgiving with forgetting. Author Beverly Flanigan once wrote, “Forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting… A wounded person cannot– indeed – should not think that a faded memory can provided an expiation of the past. To forgive, one must remember the past, put it into perspective and move beyond it. Without remembrance, no wound can be transcended.”

Mental-health professionals have long known that harboring grudges and feelings of unforgiveness is potentially harmful. Anger and bitterness correlate with the over-production of stress hormones within the body.

When anger is maintained and suppressed over time, the immune system depresses and doesn’t function effectively. Depressed immune systems can increase susceptibility to viruses and autoimmune diseases such as rheumatoid arthritis and lupus.

Keeping these unhealthy feelings inside drains the individual of psychological energy necessary for creativity and optimism. These negative feelings can lead to obsessive and ruminative thinking with hatred, resentment and thoughts of vindication becoming present in the individual’s thinking pattern.

Forgiveness necessitates changing our perspective and looking beyond events that offend us. It becomes a matter of stepping back far enough to see more objectively the complexities that lead individuals to unwanted acts or deeds. Here are some examples:


The individuals possessing an under-valued ego often feels insecure or they may feel overly aggressive, which leads them to communicate and behave in unhealthy ways.
The victim of trauma often develops problems in trusting.
Impairment due to alcohol or drugs gives rise to distorted perceptions of reality and poor judgment.
A depressed or anxious individual often displays self-absorption and lack of empathy.

An awareness of these and other difficulties can make de-personalizing not only possible, but also appropriate. With this much broader perspective, forgiveness becomes much easier.

Sometimes, the person you have to forgive is yourself. Remember, forgiveness can give you back your life.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 2003