Dealing with Pain and Loss

The following information may be helpful if you are suffering from disappointment, loss, or tragedy resulting in pain and grief.

After you begin to feel this pain, allow yourself to feel the loss, the hurt, the disappointment, the grief, and the anger. This pain is yours. Don’t expect or depend on others to share your feelings.

Acknowledge the reality of the situation. Whatever has happened cannot be changed. However, the way you perceive these events and their consequences is open to modification. You can continue to dwell on the pain and hurt, or you can begin to look at alternatives and options. Try not to let your distress escalate and become paralyzing. Be especially careful to avoid prolonged interruption in such essential elements of health as sleep and nutrition.

Realize that rarely is any single event in life necessary for survival, and no single person can destroy you. There are always measures and choices for a new beginning. You are responsible for your life by the choices you make and the actions that you take.

Compare your hurt to losses from your past. Look back on disappointments you
have suffered and see that life did go on. Most setbacks are temporary and can be altered with a fresh perspective.

Be realistic about future expectations and avoid dwelling on issues that may be unfair for reasons beyond your control. Decide that you are going to make the best choices that you can make within the circumstances you have surrounding you.

Be flexible. Try another approach to reach your goals. While limitations exist for everyone, alternatives exist in most every course of action. You may need to improve your education, make new friends, learn a new trade, or relocate.

Visualize what you really want. If it is a new friendship, picture the kind of loving, caring person you want. If it is a new career or a new vocation, see yourself as successful and plan what you want to achieve. Picture yourself creating what you really want. Keep that picture in your mind and build on it. These mental images will strengthen you.

Now take action to get what you want. Since you have cast aside the lethargy from your negative feelings, you can use the energy you have gained to rebuild and to keep your thoughts on the positive side. Change is often not easy. It takes work, optimism and a creative mind.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 2004