Aging may make seniors seem inflexible

Recently, a reader asked the following question, "My 80 year old mother is driving my crazy. She watches the same T.V. shows every day, wants to eat her meals at exactly the same time each day, has a limited interest in varying her diet, and wants to wear many of the same clothes and shoes over and over. In a nut shell, she hates change, is inflexible and rigid, and I am worried to death about her. Is this a sign of mental illness, hardening of the arteries, or some other disease? My children are teenagers and young adults and tell me that she seems fine to them and that I am the one that needs help--a better understanding of the aging process. Her doctor said that she is physically very healthy for a woman her age, and since I am an only child and my father is deceased, I guess I am the only one who is bothered by her behavior. Please tell me how I can handle the situation better."

First, let me respond by saying that the brief account of your mother's behavior available to me makes it difficult for me to make too many statements. Perhaps, I could best assist you by discussing some things about aging and personality. Many older individuals seem to be less flexible and more rigid, when in fact, their world affords them fewer options because of changes in physical condition, limitations in financial resources, a culture and society which often "puts the elderly out to pasture," and other similar factors. This, coupled with the fact that as we age, we often embrace tradition and custom due to many years of experience. "Been there, done that," may be a useful expression to consider at this point. The older individual has had years to sift and sort, thereby often enabling them to decide for themselves what they like and dislike, want and don't want, enjoy or not enjoy, etc.

Another consideration needs to be made at this point. As we get older, we began to experience more and more loss, and with these losses we have changes. Death of friends, a spouse, and other family members begin to occur as we get older. Changes in health, which are often accompanied by loss in sensory abilities, physical capacity, and in some cases, diminished cognitive functioning occurs. Unlike the diminished options associated with these factors mentioned earlier, the individual is dealing with the desire to maintain as much order and control in their life as possible due to the large number of changes that have occurred and continue to occur in their lives. Decreasing the number of changes by exerting control, where possible, can provide feelings of security and provide the individual with more psychological comfort.

If your mother is harming no one, including herself, by her behavior, and she seems happy and content, then perhaps you should cease worrying and let her enjoy her life.