My maternal grandfather lived to be 100 years old. His gate was steady and his mind keen and clear throughout his life. He arm wrestled his great-grandchildren until almost 90. He debated political and religious issues effectively and with clarity throughout most of his life, and he retained a fabulous sense of humor and keen wit. Today, my mother, his daughter, is almost 83 years old. She walks one to two miles per day, plays the piano several times a week for social activities in the community where she lives, and recently returned from a ten-day cruise with energy to spare.
Observing their life-style, their optimistic outlook on life has been an inspiration to me. Then after counseling numerous individuals classified as "senior citizens," as well as talking with my son who is pursuing a master's degree in clinical gerontology, I was prompted me to write this column on some thoughts and observations on aging.
• Self-esteem often improves with age because as you grow older, you learn more, realize you know less and less because you finally obtain the ability to see things in a broad enough perspective to separate the important from the unimportant. The need to impress others, generally speaking, becomes less and less important and the realization that not only can we not please everyone, but the fact that we don't need to finally seeks in. Material possessions usually decrease in importance but meaningful relationships mean much more than they used to. Psychological defense mechanisms such as denial, rationalization, and impulsivity tend to be replaced by healthier and more constructive coping skills such as humor, creativity, and altruism.
• Age often increases self-awareness and identity formation. We tend to understand ourselves better, and if we have practiced a relatively mentally healthy lifestyle, we can use our experiences to make healthy choices about things in our lives. Trial and error are often replaced by reflexive, satisfying results as we realize "we have been down many of these roads before."
• Those lucky enough to have grandchildren are able to enjoy the "fun" things involved in adult-child relationships without having all of the responsibility associated with being a parent. You are able to enjoy the fruits of labor of your own parenting efforts through your grandchildren. My mother has an interesting observation along this line which goes something like this: "If you want to know if you were a successful parent--observe your grandchildren."
• Love often deepens as we grow older and more secure in our relationships. Many authorities state that if you have a good marriage, the chances are that your marriage will grow even better after your children leave home. It is always amazing to see how couples who have been married for 50 years or more have reached a plateau of peace and understanding with each other. Likewise, observing my mother and her male significant other (both of whom lost their spouses to death several years ago) indicates to me the fabulous potential for widows and divorcees to find a strong and happy relationship later in life. Many older people tell me that these relationships are actually more fulfilling than their marriages were during the earlier years of their lives. Passionate love is often enhanced and made more meaningful by understanding and experience.
During future columns I would like to expand upon this subject and would welcome any input from the readers of this column on good things that happen as you grow older.
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I’m an experienced Clinical Practitioner, Administrator, Professional Writer, and Lecturer.
