All the world's foes are not your fault

We have all heard the saying, “If the shoe fits, wear it.”

This admonition to face up to responsibility when it applies to us or accept the blame for something if it’s our fault is one mark of maturity and good mental health.

What about the opposite of that admonition?

If the shoe doesn’t fit, should we not wear it?

Many individuals with impaired or fragile self-esteem often ponder on this one and fall into a trap.

Under prolonged stress, it is not uncommon to personalize events and falsely assume responsibility for something which is entirely inappropriate.

In its most extreme form, the individual suffers from ideas of reference, a frequently occurring symptom of paranoid schizophrenia.

Paranoid schizophrenics ascribe special importance to irrelevant events and believe that they are related to them.

For instance, in a room filled with people engaged in conversation, they might believe many of the topics of conversation are about them. Or, while driving down a boulevard, they might glance at a billboard and believe the message is directed at them.

Paranoid schizophrenics often feel that external events are somehow related to them in some form of conspiracy.

In a less extreme, more common form, a hypersensitivity exists which predisposes the individual to assume that if things don’t go well in life, it is often all their fault. They feel they are to blame for the lack of perfection in the world around them.

For example if a friend or family member is unhappy, they assume they are responsible when in reality the difficulty is attributable to another completely unrelated cause.

Another example occurs when a team, of which they are a member, loses a game. Again, they assume illogically and irrationally that the loss is due primarily to their inadequate performance.

Prolonged stress, fatigue, depression and other psychological misfortunes frequently produce these distorted and painful perceptions.

Correcting the problem requires restoractoin of the individual’s ability to view the world in an objective and realistic manner.

In its more extreme form- severe mental illness- medication, psychiatric intervention, and long-term treatment are usually employed along with other types of therapy.

In less extreme forms, a type of therapy, which teaches individuals to reframe or restructure their thinking and thereby correct their irrational beliefs and views, is often found to be effective.

In some cases, the recognition of hypersensitivity when related to stress enables individuals to adjust or better cope with whatever pressures they may be encountering, thereby restoring balance in their daily lives.

This alone may enable them to more correctly wear the shoe if it fits, but decline the invitation to do so if it does not. If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t wear it.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright © 1993