Those with low self-esteem often have distorted perceptions

We have all heard the saying “If the shoe fits, wear it.”

This admonition to face up to responsibility when it applies to us or accept the blame for something if it’s our fault is one mark of maturity and good mental health. Parents and teachers strive to install this virtue in children.

What about the opposite of that admonition?

If the shoe doesn’t fit, why wear it?

Many individuals with impaired or fragile self-esteem often ponder on this one and fall into a trap. Under prolonged stress, it is not uncommon to personalize events and falsely assume responsibility for something which is entirely inappropriate.

For example, a hypersensitivity may occur in some people which predisposes them to assume that if things don’t go well in life, it is often all their fault. They feel they are to blame for the lack of perfection in the world around them. If a problem occurs it is because they made a mistake and they must be the cause of the problem.

Or, if a friend or family member is unhappy, they assume they are responsible when in reality the difficulty is attributable to another completely unrelated cause. Maybe the family member is just having a bad day. Or, perhaps they are upset about something else entirely which they choose not to share at the moment.

Another example occurs when a team, of which they are a member, loses a game. Again, they assume illogically and irrationally that the loss is due primarily to their inadequate performance. Why couldn’t they have run faster or thrown the ball a little harder?

Prolonged stress, fatigue, depression and other psychological misfortunes frequently produce these distorted and painful perceptions. Correcting the problem requires restoration of the individual’s ability to view the world in an objective and realistic manner.

In some cases, the recognition of hypersensitivity when related to stress enables individuals to adjust to or better cope with whatever pressures they may be encountering. This alone may enable them to more correctly wear the shoe if it fits, but decline the invitation to do so if it does not.

If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t wear it.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 2002