Breaking up is hard, but you can get through it

Mental health professionals and others in the counseling profession are frequently presented with requests from individuals experiencing a break up in a relationship.

Anyone going through this often traumatic time can relate to the words in so many songs entitled, “breaking up is hard to do.”

Unfortunately, sometimes relationships end. When break ups occur it is often painful to either or both individuals undergoing the break up. Often, the pain lasts for a long time and the whole experience usually contains all the elements of grief, mourning, and bereavement.

• Disbelief, shock, and numbness often occur in the early stages of the break up.

• Resentment, anger, and, perhaps, bitterness frequently evolve as the grief and loss process continues.

• Depression, loneliness, and isolation may begin to creep in as the reality of the break up begins to take place.

• Finally, the transition to moving forward with one’s life, acceptance, and eventually the ability to develop new relationships usually begins.

Letting go of the past in order to create a future usually takes time and the transformation can be a rocky road.

If you know that the relationship is over, here are some guidelines that are often helpful in achieving emotional balance and moving on with your life:

• Explain your reasons for breaking up if you can but make a clean break. “Off again, on again” break ups only prolong the agony and often make things much worse. Trying to be friends right after you break up is usually not a good idea. Later, with mutual consent and agreement, friendship may be possible.

• Breaking up can be very stressful. Take care of yourself. Maintain a healthy diet, sleep pattern, and normal routine.

• Don’t isolate yourself. Talk to friends and family. Digging a hole for yourself and crawling into it will only make things worse.

• Don’t spend time and effort trying to find out who your “ex” is seeing or what he/she is doing. Get busy doing something which you enjoy doing. Exercise, be with friends, and realize that moving through any loss experience will usually involve down times.

• Seek counseling if the grieving process doesn’t seem to be progressing.

Try to learn from the experience, be patient with yourself, and begin to go forward with your life.