Moving Through A Broken Relationship

Terminating relationships such as marriages, engagements and dating can be a very traumatic and make it easy to relate to the song,” Breaking Up Is Hard To Do.”

When breakups occur, the separation is often painful for one or both individuals. The pain often lasts for a long time and the whole experience usually contains all the elements of grief, mourning, and bereavement.

• Disbelief, shock, and numbness often occur in the early stages of the break up.

• Resentment, anger and, perhaps, bitterness frequently evolve as the grief and loss process continues.

• Depression and loneliness may begin to occur as the reality of the broken relationship begins to take place.

• Finally, the transition to move forward with one’s life, acceptance, and, hopefully the ability to develop new relationships eventually begins.

Letting go of the past in order to create a future usually takes time and the transformation can be rocky.

If you know that the relationship is over, here are some guidelines that are often helpful in achieving emotional balance and moving on with your life:

• Make a clean break. “Off-again, on-again” break ups only prolong the agony and often make things much worse. Trying to be friends right after a break up in a romantic relationship is usually not a good idea. Later, with mutual consent and agreement, friendship may be possible.

• Breaking up can be very stressful. Make every effort to take care of yourself by maintaining a healthy diet, get enough sleep and maintain normal routines in such areas as work and school.

• Avoid isolation. Stay involved with friends and family. Pulling away from the world around you will only make things worse.

• Don’t spend time and effort trying to find out who your ex-partner is seeing or what he or she is doing. Become involved in something which you enjoy doing. Watch movies, read good books, take a cooking class, redecorate your living environment, actively engage yourself in your favorite hobbies or take up a new one. Focusing on “woudas, couldas and shouldas” right after the loss can give rise to bitterness, self-pity and unnecessary self-blame.

• Seek counseling if professional support is needed or the grieving process begins to impact physical or psychological health.

Try to learn from the experience, give resolution time and transitioning to the future.