Decisiveness involves taking risks

Have you had the misfortune of knowing Joe Maybeso? Or his counterpart Josephine Maybenot? Their portrait is like the face on a deck of cards. Two profiles face away from each other, making it impossible to know which position they take.

Joe and Josephine are uncommitted individuals. Those who can’t or won’t make up their minds about things. Usually they come from a background where commitment and taking a stand on issues is not only not condoned, but generally not permitted or even punished.

Maybeso and Maybenot try to see which way the wind is blowing before they hoist their sails. They want to come out on the winning side, or the side of least controversy. They want the least potential anxiety associated with explaining themselves.

Joe and Josephine’s lack of self-esteem makes it difficult for them to see themselves as individual thinkers and doers. Their lack of ability to think and act independently may stem from overbearking and dominating parents who insisted on doing everything for them as children, thus cloning or creating children in their own image.

Risk-taking, exploring new territory or plowing new ground are scenarios unknown to Maybeso and Maybenot. If they ever have tried to move in these directions it generally caused them so much anxiety and fear they vowed never to try again. Their vocabulary is filled with clichés like, “Let me give it some thought, and I’ll get back to you,” which they never do, or, “Perhaps I can help you out, but not just now. Please ask me another time.” With those chronic responses, they labor under the false belief that if they never take a position or show their hand they will never be perceived as being wrong. Their lack of involvement does not indicate laziness, but a fear of commitment. In a forced-choice, yes-or-no situation such as an examination, these individuals struggle and struggle, fret and stew at a snail’s pace. Frequently they become immobilized because their inability to commit.

If you are a Maybeso, Maybenot who wants to modify your thinking and behavior:

Practice risk-taking. Start off in situations where the consequences are not important. As your confidence builds, gradually venture into new areas of commitment where the decisions are of more consequence.

Look at people who seemingly have no difficulty in making commitments. Being around more confident, decisive individuals often helps by giving you someone to model after.

Learn to recognize the difference between deliberate, well-advised thought and indecisive, wishy-washy thinking which frequently never reaches a conclusion.

Recognize that not all decisions are going to be correct. Remember that we make mistakes and growth can come through learning from these mistakes.

Decide that there is a time and place in your life for indecision and more deliberation. There is nothing wrong with delaying to consider a decision. But as the old saying goes, “Sooner or later you have to take a stand.” To change from being a Maybeso or Maybenot, resolve to take a stand and strive for more independence in your thinking.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1988