Last week I began a discussion of the performance trap, which can occur when individuals base much of their self-esteem on their performance, especially in areas related to their work.
Another potential trap related to lower self-esteem is equating who we are with material things we possess.
Example: John has been effective and happy with his career as a computer program analyst, Over time, however, many of his friends have purchased bigger homes, more expensive cars and taken longer vacations. He begins to judge himself as less successfully, important, and capable than his friends.
Feeling good about who he is as a person begins to depend on what “things” he has to show the world. The “keeping up with the Joneses trap” can lead to feelings of lowered self-worth and unhappiness.
John begins to dislike his job, starts thinking that his chosen vocation must not be so good after all and even that he may not be as intelligent as his friends. The healthy, happy children he has reared, his numerous volunteer contributions in the community, his own good health and happy marriage begin to seem less important to him.
The following questions are designed to assess and individual’s tendency to fall into this aspect of the performance trap.
Performance Trap Inventory Part II:
Answer true or false to the following:
1. When I’m feeling down, buying things for myself often makes me feel better.
2. Wearing the latest fashions is important to me.
3. I like to drive new automobiles and often trade in my own one even though it runs and looks perfectly good.
4. Vacations in “trendy” locations appeal to me.
5. Older neighborhoods and homes seem to depress me.
6. I secretly admire and respect individuals who make a lot of money.
7. I feel more comfortable associating with those individuals whose incomes are similar to mine.
8. It bothers me when somebody I know well begins to be able to afford and buy things I would like to have.
9. People who attend expensive and private schools are usually snooty and feel superior.
10. Winning the lottery would solve all of my problems and assure me of happiness.
If you answered true to many of these questions you might be vulnerable to or already caught in the performance trap. Your self-esteem, the value you place upon yourself, and your self-regard may be closely connected to material and financial assets.
How you feel about yourself depends to a large degree upon your possessions or what you think you can get in the future. Financial setbacks are generally harder for these individuals to deal with compared to those who attach their self-worth to non-material assets.
These individuals are frequently never satisfied with what they have and instead feel driven to obtain more things.
Next week I will discuss remedies for those caught in the performance trap.
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright © 1993
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