Don’t let your child be the target of a bully
You really didn't think it would happen to your child. It's a good school, the faculty and administrators are organized and security seems to be under control. You can't think of anything that they could have done to prevent the incident.
But it did happen. And your child is afraid to go to school.
Bullies. Bullies who found a target and made a mark.
Trying to be calm and trying to get all the facts, you find that the bullies first began by name calling and teasing. The first day they demanded the change left over from lunch. The next day before school they demanded all the lunch money.
Threats. I'll see you in the restroom. I'll be waiting at the bus.
You do discuss it calmly and thoroughly with your child. You do report it to the teacher or principal. You do listen to their report too. Your child could have provoked the bully. Your child could have been the target for a bully who just wanted to show his or her power. Whatever the reason or whatever the circumstance, you want to learn all the facts in a calm manner.
And then you want to change the situation. If your child is not at fault, set some guidelines and ask the school to help you. Be sure your child has a buddy at school that will be a safeguard. If it is a matter of bullying on the school bus, ask the administrator fore permission to talk to the bus driver. Often just a change of seating will prevent further taunts and threats.
Do let the school handle the bully. You don't want to get involved with the other child or with the bully's parents. Your concern is the safety of your child.
Which children are usually the targets of bullies? Small children, frail children, extra smart children, children who look and act differently from the majority. Children who dress a lot better than most of the children at their school. Children who seem to be extremely passive or sensitive. Children who won't go along with the crowd.
When and where do bullies first strike? It can begin at any time. In the sand lot where preschool children play. In kindergarten when the big guy wants to gain attention and be the king of the mountain. It can happen in middle school and high school if power seems to be the best way for the bully to build self-esteem.
What makes a bully? It can be that the bully was once bullied. When it worked, the bully decided aggression was the answer. It if works, try it again and again and again.
What can children do to stop the bullying? The can ignore and pretend it doesn't bother them. That may or may not stop the abuse. The can learn to assert themselves and confront the bully by saying that they don't like the threats. They can report it to someone else. They should not retaliate.
Guidance programs across the nation are teaching conflict resolution in a different manner. It used to be that separation was the key point in solving conflicts. Now peer resolution and discussion seems to be helping. Talking it out and working it out gives each side a chance.
The concern of you and the school is to make school safe and secure for all children. And teaching the bullies to assert themselves in other ways in which they can be empowered and not harm or endanger anyone else.
Copyright c 1993 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.
