Motivation comes, goes in youths
How many of us have thought we had an adolescent who was unmotivated?
I can assure that if you’ve been through the period of adolescence with you child, you have at least occasionally questioned their level of motivation. To cope with the problem of an undermotivated young person, one should keep in mind the context within which this problem occurs.
Adolescence is a time of rapid physical changes in the young person. Bodily changes, the beginning awareness and feelings of sexual changes, hormonal output and rapid growth all occur during this period.
Intellectual changes also occur, with the ability to think abstractly and reason more proficiently gaining momentum. A child is able to identify several solutions to a problem, but is not always able to see the best one.
Social changes occur as school and academic pursuits generally become more difficult. The child is becoming more aware of other children’s value systems and is having to evaluate his own moral code. One of the biggest issues at this age is the quest for identity.
Emotionally, still further changes occur as this period between childhood and adulthood leads to uncertainty, fear of the future and the struggle between dependence vs. independence.
The adolescent may feel confusion as the family is also undergoing changes with the parents having to explore their own beliefs about boundaries for their children. How much structure do you provide without being too rigid? How can you “let go” while staying involved enough to provide guidance for your child?
With all the changes and pressures in mind, it is easy to see why a child could become undermotivated. Many undermotivated children appear to constantly put themselves down and suffer from low self-esteem. They complain of feeling misunderstood and don’t seem to want to do anything that is asked of them.
They frequently appear to have few friends, and their peers may report that it is difficult to like them. Emotionally they may appear to be constricted and under-demonstrative, or, in some cases, just the opposite occurs with a great deal of emotional outburst and lack of control in this area.
In trying to understand the reasons for this behavior, it is important to consider that the child is probably unhappy and aware that things are not going well in his life. He may be angry and frequently depressed.
A vicious cycle begins to occur with his confusion and frustration frequently producing a feeling of “why try?” This cycle inevitably produces negative attention form parents and peers so a self-fulfilling prophecy develops. “If they think I can’t do it, then I guess I won’t.”
The child’s inability to accept this responsibility frequently leads to a psychological phenomenon known as displacement. “I don’t have a problem, you do.” Adults react by being frustrated, sarcastic and begin to resort to using threats and fear tactics with the child. Punishment, withdrawing of privileges and an attempt to “do something” leads to inconsistencies and further confusion in the situation.
At this point, parents frequently resort to attacking the adolescent personally instead of trying to remain objective about the behaviors in question. They criticize the child’s character, accusing him of being stupid, sloppy and unreliable when, in fact, these accusations may have little merit and occur only infrequently. Power struggles develop and finally alienation may occur.
Next week I will talk about trying to change the situation and help the unmotivated child.
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1989
