Parents can influence peer choices
While visiting a large European city recently I noticed a number of groups of young people banding together in public places for various reasons. The size of the groups ranged from relatively small to relatively large – about 30 or 40 at least. While the small groups appeared to be students on educational trips, the larger groups seemed to be demonstrating loyalty to a particular political party or affiliation with religious or ethnic groups.
Observing the groups, I noted some marched, danced, sang and even played musical instruments in a parade-like fashion as they moved through the subways or around parks. Some stood quietly passing out pamphlets and trying to solicit conversations with the passerby.
One this same trip I spent time consulting with professionals within the mental health field who lived in this particular country. Asking them about these groups, they confirmed there were large numbers of young people involved in various grouping and that their presence was well tolerated with the local populous. They further indicated that the groups were rarely disruptive or destructive and, in fact, added to the local color.
On my return home, I learned of the cult group in Matamoras, Mexico, that had formed for the purpose of drugs and violence. Most of us, especially those with children assembling in groups, share a concern about our children or those we know becoming involved in a cult-like group and its potential danger. We ask: What can be done to prevent these children from being drawn into one of these potentially dangerous situations?
Let me share several thoughts about this problem and give some information that may be useful.
• It is important to recognize that young people are naturally drawn together because the group process and peer interaction is one of the strongest needs of this period of development. Whether we, as parents, like it or not, many of their attitudes, beliefs and behaviors are shaped by peer groups. It is, therefore, critically important that every attempt be made to encourage and help young people develop affiliations with peer groups that have healthy, acceptable and desirable value systems.
• During this time of human growth and development, one of the complicating factors that occurs is a natural tendency of the adolescent to have a negative attitude toward the desire of his parents. This assertion of independence can get complicated when the more the parent encourages the child in a certain direction, the less likely the child seems to want to go that way.
• Another important factor is that a complex set of expectations develop in adolescents about acceptability to peers. This strongly influences the groups toward which they migrate. More specifically, a child with a poor self-concept is going to drift toward groups whose individuals have similar low self-regard. It is, therefore, extremely important that everything possible be done to instill a healthy self-concept in the young person to increase the likelihood that he will end up affiliating with others with a similar healthy outlook. The young person with a poor sense of self-regard develops attitudes, beliefs and value systems that tend to be antisocial, unacceptable and unhealthy. The old cliché “birds of a feather flock together” illustrates this point.
• Parents who lead their children into healthier environments, groups and social setting increases the likelihood of their child associating with the offspring of these groups. Community activities, church affiliation, social endeavors with families and children with generally more healthy outlooks and value systems certainly do not ensure that children will not drift toward cult-like groups, but they do decrease the likelihood of such a drift. Parents should attempt to start early – before adolescence – in attempting to influence peer choices.
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1989
