During a crisis, lean on someone

You are having a crisis. All components of your life are affected. You feel you aren’t functioning and think you may not survive this happening.

Never mind that the crisis may not seem like a crisis to everyone – that you know friends who have even survived disasters. It may only be sufficient to realize that the event is a crisis for you; that what is a disaster for one person may not be for another because not all stress points arise from the same source. Our individual perceptions of an event determine how we respond.

You do need to find a way to work through your crisis.

You need to find someone to talk with. Your spouse, a family member, your minister, an old school friend may be a good listener, a safe place for you to communicate your fears and your hopes. Don’t be afraid to show your anger, shock and grief or resentment. While you may think that you need to be your usual caring, understanding, accepting and giving self you may need first of all to release your honest emotions. Instead of being a nurturer, you may need to be nurtured during this crisis.

Then you need to accept help from others. In this crisis, forget the fact that you have always been self-sufficient. Put aside the pride you have that you are so independent you don’t need anyone else to make decisions or to advise you. Lean on someone. Find a support group.

Don’t be rigid. Your routine and your standard pattern of behavior may and probably need to change as you work through this crisis. If you have always driven the car pool on Monday mornings, ask someone to take over this responsibility temporarily. If you have always reported for duty at the volunteer desk on Tuesdays, ask for a short reprieve. Be flexible.

Be active. Don’t shut yourself up in the house away from friends. Do schedule activities that will fill the days and hours.

Be good to yourself. Remember that your body requires good nutrition and regular exercise during stressful times. Don’t resort to drugs or sleep medication unless prescribed by your physician. Eat a balanced diet, take a brisk walk – which often can relieve stress and promote restful sleep. Indulge yourself and make yourself feel attractive.

Be prepared to set new goals. After a crisis of any nature, some modification in your lifestyle may be necessary. Old priorities may give way to new ones. After the crisis passes, some change may be necessary for ongoing survival. For instance, after an accident or a heart attack, you may need to alter your social life. After a financial loss, you may need to reduce your spending. After a job loss, you may need to write a resume, begin interviewing, retrain and be willing to learn new skills.

Above all, get on with your life. You learned a lot. Now is the time to say: I have regained control. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over gain. Crisis can come to everyone; you survived one.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1988