Preparing for a disappointment

Most of us have had to deal with disappointment sometime during our lives. Fortunately, there are ways of helping us deal with disappointments that make them seem less catastrophic and easier to cope with.

Disappointment and its first cousin, worry, are two psychological phenomena that are largely influenced by the perception of the person who ends up being disappointed or worried. Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is disappointment, to a large degree.

I’m not suggesting that one develop a Pollyanna attitude toward life and believe that it is as easy to be happy as the lines from a current song, “Don’t worry, be happy,” imply. But is possible to develop strategies that enable us to deal more effectively with negative events.

Behavioral scientists have found, for instance, that a technique of mental preparation termed inoculation can enable a person to get through disappointing events with less strain. This technique, in its simplest form, has the individual rehearse the disappointing outcome mentally and then recognize that the negative event usually can be coped with well and is not nearly as devastating as it may have seemed at first.

Let’s take, for example, college students who anticipate disappointment if their score on a particular exam is low. They have worked hard to prepare for the exam, and they begin to make statements to themselves such as, “If I don’t do well on this, then the school year is a failure.” Or “I will never be able to face my parents if I do poorly on this exam.”

By sitting down and imagining that the instructor is passing the test back to them and that they have received it, they can recognize that the exam is only one of a series of events that makes up their semester grade. This gives the student the proper perspective for coping with a lower-than-hoped-for score on the exam.

Another example is for a person expecting a raise to be told that no raise will be forthcoming because of bad economic conditions at a work place. The worker can first imagine receiving the bad news, then imagine dealing with it by realizing there are options available. For instance, he can find another job or figure out other sources of income. This should help the person deal with bad news, if it comes. This doesn’t mean he can’t hope it won’t happen.

Many of us are familiar with using mental rehearsal techniques to envision positive outcomes.

Of course, programming our belief system is one of the best uses for visual imagery and mental rehearsal. For some individuals, however, the technique outlined above of inoculating ourselves in preparation for bad news is useful. None of us wants to hope for disappointment, but negative events occur in all our lives and techniques for coping with disappointments can help.

Next week I will discuss other ways of coping with disappointment.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1988