Experience helps us set goals

Reflecting on one’s life and taking inventory of positive and negative accomplishments can be helpful for individuals who want to set goals or themselves.

Learning from past experiences can be one of the most helpful ways to improve a lifestyle and achieve the self-actualization and happiness that is the foundation for good mental health.


Immature individuals who frequently find themselves unable to cope with life are often people who fail to profit from the learning experience of dealing with less than successful experiences. They tend to make excuses for all their mistakes and blame others for situations they deem to not be in there sphere of control.

In my counseling practice I often get the response, “Yes, but doctor,” when I make a suggestion for a possible change within the individual’s life.

Granted, there are situations that keep us from being able to make changes. Many times, however, we elect to make excuses for problems and leave ourselves no outlets for success.

Since the beginning of time, the ability to look objectively at man’s behavior is one of the greatest human frailties. Selective perception and egocentric thinking tends to obliterate the ability to “stand back” and see things the way they really are.

Being truly in touch with one’s feeling is frequently difficult. Rationalization, denial and good old-fashioned blocking out “common sense” is the pitfall that many of us encounter in our lives.

Over the year many of the individuals I counseled have said, “If only I could have seen where my actions were leading me, I would have changed the course of direction of my life.” This lack of objectivity is common to all of us. But certain preempted plans and long-term goals could forestall some of these pitfalls.

For example, individuals who undertake too many changes over too short a period of time are prone to put excessive stress on themselves. They may instance change jobs, remarry, undertake large financial commitments and move their children to a new school all within a short period of time.

Each of these events makes ripples like a stone being thrown into a pond. The individual finds himself suddenly overwhelmed with decisions and problems. The result could be physical or psychological difficulty.

By looking ahead and considering the ramifications of each major change, that individual might have spread the changes out over a longer period of time or even postponed some of them.

Research has shown that too many changes – whether positive and negative – over a brief period of time correlate with an increase in medical and psychological problems.

For many individuals sitting down with paper and pencil every six months or so and writing down the direction they want their life to take is helpful. Then, reassessment of each of these dimensions can help decide whether they are worthwhile and still desirable.

Short-term planning occurs, of course, more frequently, but the same basic principles follow. That is, to reassess changes in direction, as well as progress in accomplishments, with an overall plan of striving to achieve balance in one’s life.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1986