Fantasizing can be constructive

Are you willing to admit that even as an adult, you fantasize? You’d better.

Although most people think of fantasies as child’s play, one should realize that fantasizes are important to one’s emotional and mental well-being. I hope to show you how fantasies can help you grow psychologically.

Actually, fantasies do begin with childhood. During their first six years, children “play like” whatever they wish. Nearly every child has imaginary playmates or monsters or dragons. A child may believe he is a character out of television or a book.

Sometimes children fantasize to escape unhappiness. A child of an alcoholic or abusive father may fantasize that his father is really an important businessman who provides him with a home filled with beauty, joy and lots of toys. Young children are unusually creative and often lose their creativity because a parent or teacher may scold them for “letting their imagination run away.”

Actually, adults who still are able to fantasize about other imaginary characters or places may produce a prize-winning novel. A painter who fantasizes about a landscape or a seascape may produce a painting that will inspire its viewers. Who can say that a composer does not fantasize the music he hears and puts to paper?

The best way to make fantasies work for us to see their constructive side.

• Children may live out their fantasies. Consider a child who was poor and constantly reminded that if he had wealth, he would have no worries. That child may work so hard to earn money that he neglects some of the pleasure and other values necessary for happiness.

• Unhappy marriages can result from indulging a childlike fantasy, such as: “If I marry a beautiful woman, then I will always be happy.” Then you marry the beautiful woman only to find she is not a good companion.

• Fantasizing can make unbearable situations tolerable. Consider a prisoner of war who was isolated for years and unable to hear a human voice or see another human. He could fantasize that life was bearable, that some day he would be released and would be with his loved ones. If a person lives with a fear of accidents, he can fantasize that they will never happen to him. Some people may escape from a boring evening by fantasizing they were somewhere else enjoying the company of a celebrity.

• Through much recent research on sex, fantasy has become a much-discussed topic. Some sex therapists urge couples to have fantasies that might improve their relationship and are encouraged to share their fantasies with each other to make their intimacy a richer experience.

The mature fantasizer is one who makes fantasy work for him by combining it with reality.

For instance, the may who fantasized about marrying the beautiful woman could begin to capitalize on good characteristics she has and try to develop mutual points of interests or to share a hobby. He can keep his fantasy about marrying a beautiful woman because he has, but can improve his life by facing the reality of the situation.

A person who dreams of wealth may keep his fantasy of being wealthy but include in his more mature dreams that some values of life are not purchased with money.

An obese person who fantasizes that if he loses weight, he will be able to attract a future Marilyn Monroe may have to include in his fantasy the reality that if he loses weight he will look better, be healthier and feel so much better about himself that he will meet someone who will happily share his future life.

Fantasy is fun. It should never be inhibited as long as its constructive motivation helps us lead a happier life. Fantasy tempered with reality makes us more interesting and spices up our existence.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1988