Increase your positive self-esteem

Self-esteem means liking yourself and having positive feelings about yourself. It is one of the most valuable assets a person can possess.

Last week I discussed some of the indicators of low self-esteem and ways to assess your own self-esteem. This week I want to discuss a technique that can help increase positive self-esteem. If the test last week made you want to improve the way you feel about yourself, here’s how to begin.

• Commit yourself to the desire for change. Real change does not come easily or rapidly; however, it is possible if a commitment to hard work is made.
• Create an awareness of your negative mind set. Operating from that framework is the vehicle for low self-esteem.
• Sit down with close friends or family members and explain to them that you are charting a course for self-improvement. Ask them to help, as a gentle, friendly comment from trusted helpers can be reassuring.
• Use a technique called self-talk. Statements like “Nobody seems to like me” or “I never seem to finish anything,” can become such repetitive beliefs that we finally quit realizing we are saying or thinking these things to ourselves. Each time a negative thought is evoked, refute it by repeating a positive thought on the same topic.

For example, the belief that no one seems to like you might have come because you felt rejected by someone or by a small group of people whose approval you desired. To fight this belief, begin by realizing that you already have people who like you, family and friends. Then start to widen this circle of people who like you. Replace the thought that, “No one likes me,” with “I am liked by some, and now I am going to have a wider circle of friends.” Keep repeating this as the change makes you aware of friends and acquaintances you had not previously counted.

If you berate yourself with “I never finish anything” translate this into “I am going to improve on my tendency to procrastinate, and I will, in the meantime, give myself credit for the things I do accomplish, however small.” You want to erase negative thoughts and start with positive thoughts. That is the way self-talk will raise your self-esteem.

Another technique I have used to counsel individuals with poor self-esteem is to have them start each day by spending a few quiet moments focusing on something good about themselves, or perhaps some good they did the previous day. Then at the end of the day find something they did well or some way they helped someone.

I have them focus strongly and exclusively on these thoughts for several moments. I urge them to let them sink in and become a part of them. This will become the basis for a new, more positive belief system.

Remember we said healthy self-esteem means liking yourself, respecting yourself and enjoying yourself. It always works faster if you surround yourself with people who will echo these beliefs and if you treat yourself well.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1988