Pessimists may have self esteem problem

Dealing with difficult people can be a real challenge, especially if it is necessary to work closely with them, live with them, or interact with them in some form or fashion on a regular basis. One category of difficult-to-deal-with individuals who many of us come in contact with on a fairly regular basis is the chronically pessimistic, over-negativistic individual who is often said to not be happy unless they are unhappy. They are often characterized by some of the following:

• They believe that most success is based on luck and that they are doomed forever to be unlucky.

• They feel that any recognition or approval they receive is due to the fact that the attention given is either paying back a debt or preparing to seek something from them.

• Compliments paid to them are responded to by denying or refuting the compliment and giving some reason why it is unjustified.

• Individuals coming in to contact with them for any length of time begin to feel burdened by their pessimism and often pull away.

• Life for them is one tragedy after another.

Let's examine a few responses from the pessimist:

Message to pessimist -- “Aren't we having beautiful weather?"
Reply from pessimist -- “It won't last long, and I hear we are due to have a terrible winter."

Message to pessimist -- “You have a beautiful smile which is very becoming to you."
Reply from pessimist -- “Don't be fooled. My smiles hide a life of unhappiness."

Message to pessimist -- “As your employer, I appreciate your efforts and appreciate the good job you are doing."
Reply from pessimist -- “I can't keep up this pace for very long, so don't expect it."

These unhappy individuals seem to thrive on the negative and let their pessimistic outlook pervade their thinking. Happiness is rare for them, and when it does occur, it is short-lived. It is no surprise, therefore, that these individuals frequently suffer from depression, social isolation, and disappointment in relationships. They are often constant worriers, filled with anxiety and fear. They often appear subservient and apologetic but may harbor a great deal of hostility, which can be expressed in inappropriate and sometimes explosive ways. Guilt is often a significant component of their psychological make-up. Not to anyone's surprise, their dour and unpleasant disposition often cover a deep problem with self-esteem. Many of these individuals develop their outlook as a result of an unhappy childhood. Physical and/or psychological abuse and neglect, harsh criticism, and the lack of unconditional love in their earlier years promote their unhealthy outlook in adulthood.

Fortunately, these individuals can change. With help and understanding, they can live in a whole new, wonderful world.

Copyright c 1997 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.