Help Your Counselor Leave Her Work At The Office

Dear Dr. LeCrone:
My spouse is a well-known and respected marriage counselor in the town where we live. She works hard and her time off is essential to her own health and well-being.
However, on more than one occasion, people have come up to her at social functions, like wedding receptions, and leaned on her for a little free advice. These requests for curbside consultation make her uncomfortable and place her in the awkward position of pointing out the inappropriateness of the person’s request.
Could you please let your readers know about your take on this problem?

-A reader in Virginia

Dear reader:
A professional prefers to respond to questions in his/her specialty by being able to ask needed questions. A medical doctor sometimes needs to perform physical examinations. Many professional consultants require some instruments, forms, questionnaires, etc. to asses the problem. Sidewalk consults do not usually provide the comfort and ethical considerations needed for professional assistance. Most professionals are justifiably reluctant to attempt to diagnose, offer solutions or otherwise commit to answer questions in the brief time afforded in social or public situations.
What many individuals term “a little advice” requires a potentially complex analysis. And “off the top of the head” advice is usually about as deep as the top of one’s head.

Professionals attempting to lead balanced lives leave their work and professional hats at the office. When they are away from their work they like to think and converse about things other than their vocation. Whether you are a counselor, attorney, physician, minister or accountant, it’s not relaxing to be “on call” 24 hours a day.

But most professionals would add that there are distinctions between the specific and general. It’s often interesting, and perhaps flattering, to be asked about some general question in one’s chosen profession. Most of us have this curiosity and don’t mind sharing our thoughts and views.

It is the specific personal advice that is not suitable for out-of-the office discussion, as it requires deeper thought and consideration.

Emergencies and special circumstances can necessitate deviation from this customary pattern but not to the extent that some individuals feel entitled to.

I certainly feel that your spouse is justified in thinking that a wedding reception is not usually the place to have that particular discussion.

Again, the Golden Rule usually applies in these situations too: “Do unto others…”