How should you handle sidewalk consults?

A counselor’s spouse recently requested:

“Please discuss the uncomfortable position that my spouse is placed in when individuals seek professional advice in other than professional settings.”

The spouse described the following scenario:

“Recently while attending a wedding reception, a person neither of us knew well approached the two of us and began giving a detailed history of difficulties with her child.

“This inappropriate but unfortunately fairly common occurrence happens several times a year.

“The woman appalled me, however, when she said, ‘Turn on the meter if you want to.’

“I wish you would ask how most professionals feel about these sidewalk consults.”

Here are some thoughts on the subject:

• A professional prefers to respond to questions in his/her specialty by being able to ask needed questions. A medical doctor sometimes needs to perform physical examinations. Most professional consultants at least require some instruments, forms, questionnaires, etc. to asses the problem.

Sidewalk consults do not provide the comfort and ethical considerations needed for professional assistance.

• Most professionals are justifiably reluctant to attempt to diagnose, offer solutions or otherwise commit to answer questions in the brief time afforded in social or public situations.

What many individuals term “a little advice” requires a potentially complex analysis. And “off the top of the head” advice is usually about as deep as the top of one’s head.

• Professionals attempting to lead balanced lives leave their work and professional hats at the office. When they are away from their work they like to think and converse about things other than their vocation.

Whether you are a counselor, attorney, physician or minister, it’s not relaxing to be “on call” 24 hours a day.

• But most professionals would add that there are distinctions between the specific and general.

It’s often interesting, and perhaps flattering, to be asked about some general question in one’s chosen profession. Most of us have this curiosity and don’t mind sharing our thoughts and views.

It is the specific personal advice that is not suitable for out of the office discussion as it requires deeper thought and diagnosis.

• Emergencies and special circumstances can necessitate deviation from this customary pattern, but not to the extent that some unthoughtful individuals feel entitled to.

I certainly felt that the spouse of the counselor was justified in feeling that a wedding reception was not the place for that particular discussion.

Again, the good old golden rule usually applies well: “Do unto others…”

Copyright c 1995 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.