Helping Children Deal With Fearful Events, Loss And Change

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

I am teaching a group of parents some pointers about healthy parenting and would like to include the topic of helping children deal with events that can sometimes be traumatic for children like loss, change and illness. Can you please give me some ideas on this topic?

— A reader in Louisiana

Dear Reader:

Mental health professionals have long recognized the potentially detrimental effects of traumatic events on the mental health of children.

The beginning of school can be traumatic. Separation from the parent on a daily basis may be difficult for children. Some of this anxiety can be diminished by letting the child experience time away from parents during infancy and early childhood — mother’s days out, preschool or day-care activities and vacation Bible school.

Changes, such as moving to another city, may also be traumatic. Children need to have the opportunity to voice their concerns, fears and anxieties about losing friends and being the new kids on the block. When possible, introduce your children to new classmates before the beginning of the school year.

A visit to the dentist can be frightening for children. Dental offices have many techniques for making this first visit less stressful.

For children facing a hospital stay, an advance visit to the hospital to meet the health care staff can allay some fears. Many hospitals provide videos and have other techniques that can help desensitize the child to the fears of a hospital stay.

One of the most traumatic events in children’s lives is the breakup of the parents’ marriage. Here again, advance preparation can make a great deal of difference. Both parents should convey to the child that he is not responsible for the divorce and should assure him they will continue to love and care for him.

The loss of a pet can also be very traumatic for children. This is often the first encounter children have with the experience of death. Helping them understand that death is part of life and that the grieving process takes time are important milestones in their psychological development.

With a little foresight, parents can develop the wisdom and knowledge to help children deal with fear, loss, change and trauma.